Monthly Archives: August 2013

Colorado State Football Preview

Welcome to the 24th Tuesdays With Mitch, where I’ll start with a quick congrats to Randy and Emily on your new engagement. (And also making me feel old as hell.) It’s game week. Football is here in a couple days. Locally it all starts on Sunday afternoon with the Rocky Mountian Showdown, which has the potential to be the best day of every year. Most of my readers come from a Colorado State point of view, so let’s breakdown the 2013 Rams.

Sophomore running back Donnell Alexander could be Colorado State’s best player.

We’ll start with a quick glance back at last year. Here’s the schedule and results from 2012:

screenshot via espn.com

screenshot via espn.com

So the Rams started 1-6 last year, then got it together a little bit and won three of their last five. They finished 4-8, which was a one-game improvement from the past three years, each of which ended at 3-9.

Things should be better this year. Jim McElwain appears to know what he’s doing and if he does, we should see a noticeable difference between the coach’s first and second years.

The offense returns nine starters, including four on the offensive line. The best player on the offense might be senior center and four-year starter Weston Richburg. If the line improves around him the way it should, CSU figures to have a pretty potent running game. Donnell Alexander is a stud and he produced much more than most would have imagined as a true freshman last year. Chris Nwoke battled injuries, but two years ago ran for over 1200 yards. If both those dudes can stay healthy, the Rams should have a very solid ground attack.

Quarterback is an interesting spot. Two guys are capable of starting and they have very different skillsets. It sounds like junior Garrett Grayson will win the starting job. He’s a smaller, scrambling, rollout style quarterback. The other option is sophomore Conner Smith who is bigger and a more traditional pocket passer with a strong arm. Each player started a handful of games last year, with Smith taking over after Grayson was injured. Fans should hope one person can take over and be the every down quarterback. Like they say, if you have two quarterbacks, you have no quarterbacks.

The depth chart is a little murkier (real word) at wide receiver. Charles Lovett, Joe Hansley and Thomas Coffman are all coming back. They all had shoulder-shrug seasons last year. It sounds like some true freshman will be making an impact at receiver as well, led by Rashard Higgins. Kivon Cartwright and Crocket Gillmore are two very good tight ends who should be very active in the passing game. Gillmore is considered by some to be a fringe NFL prospect.

There are more question marks on the defensive side, but the unit returns six starters from last year. The strength figures to come at the linebacker position. Shaquil Barrett has the potential to be a beast if he can build off his production last year. Cory James had a great freshman season, leading the team with 7.5 sacks. He’s back as a sophomore. Both those guys are linebackers, but they figure to be utilized mainly as pass rushers. The defensive line has to improve, but there’s not much there to suggest it will.

Shaq Bell is a senior corner and a leader in the secondary. He’s one of the better defenders on a team with only a few recognizable faces on the defensive side of the ball. It sounds like sophomore Kevin Pierre-Louis will take over as a starter at safety. He played well in limited time as a reserve last year.

Overall the offense should be a strength. The defense will be trying to hold their own.

So there’s a quick breakdown of the roster and talent on the team. Here’s the Mountain West preseason predictions from the esteemed media experts and the wise guys in Vegas.

MWC predicts

Vegas odds according to bovada.com as of 8/26.

It’s pretty clear that Boise and Fresno appear to be the class of the MWC. Colorado State should be in the middle of the pack. Wyoming and Air Force could have set backs. Vegas likes CSU more than the media, which fans should find encouraging. Vegas knows more than everybody, and the media can be clueless.

Here’s the Rams’ 2013 schedule:

csu 2013

screenshot via espn.com

Adding Alabama on a would-be bye week means the Rams have 13 regular season games instead of the standard 12. One interesting note is that CSU plays eight straight games without a bye week to end the year, which could lead to an additional loss or two. Notice they don’t play Fresno State or San Diego State (both probable losses). They don’t get to play UNLV (a probable win). Here are my predictions with a short breakdown.

COLORADO (WIN) 1-0

CU might be the worst college program in the nation. They are a unanimous pick to finish last in the Pac-12 and are coming off a 1-11 campaign. Going through a coaching change. No way they win three games. All that said, CSU is currently only a 3-point favorite. Bet the mortgage.

@TULSA (LOSS) 1-1

Tulsa has a really good program. One of my close friends has worked with Tulsa football for the past couple years so I’ve been following them pretty closely. They are the defending Conference USA champions and Bill Blankenship doesn’t seem to have bad years. Most are picking Tulsa to repeat as conference champs. I expect the Rams to be underdogs by about 10.

CAL POLY (WIN) 2-1

Cal Poly is another threat of a FCS team that the Rams will host at home. (They lost to North Dakota State last year.) Cal Poly beat Wyoming in Laramie last year, so they are no joke. Still, I expect CSU to handle their business against a lesser opponent this go ’round.

@ #1 ALABAMA (LO$$) 2-2

Ha. Thi$ one will not be clo$e. $hould be a cool experience for the Colorado $tate who will take home $1 million for playing thi$ game. (Just hope none of those NFL players in red jerseys injure any Rams too badly).

UTEP (WIN) 3-2

Texas-El Paso is a mid-to-bottom level C-USA team. Playing them in Fort Collins is the key. CSU should not lose this game.

SAN JOSE STATE (WIN) 4-2

This would be a small upset for Colorado State. San Jose State has quite a bit of talent returning and has beaten CSU the past two years. Quarterback David Fales is tough to contain. But the Spartans have a new coaching staff and I just feel like this is the type of game the Rams need to start winning to get over that hump. This year feels like the year they make that move.

@WYOMING (WIN) 5-2

Brett Smith is one of the best quarterbacks in the Mountain West. Some are pegging the dual threat signal-caller as an NFL draft pick. Last year Wyoming finished with an identical record to Colorado State (4-8, 3-5). They beat CSU 45-31 last year. I expect CSU to be improved. I expect Wyoming to be about the same. This game should be close one way or the other. Another swing game for the Rams this season. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I think they’ll pull it out.

HAWAII (WIN) 6-2

Hawaii is pretty bad.

#19 BOISE STATE (LOSS) 6-3

Not happening. Might be a little more competitive than in year’s past. But it ain’t happening.

NEVADA (LOSS) 6-4

This seems like a coin flip game. Chris Ault is gone after 28 years with the Wolf Pack, but his pistol offense remains. CSU is not good enough to win every 50/50 game on their schedule. It’s inevitable for them to drop a game or two like this one.

@NEW MEXICO (WIN) 7-4

CSU won’t lose to New Mexico, even on the road. The Lobos should suck again.

@UTAH STATE (LOSS) 7-5

The Aggies should contend for the MWC title, even with a coaching change. They went 11-2 last year and were 6-0 at home. Asking the Rams to win in Ogden this season is a little much.

AIR FORCE (WIN) 8-6

Air Force has beaten CSU seven straight times. Seven! The Falcons are only returning three starters on offense and are replacing almost every skill position. Things aren’t much better on the defensive side and Troy Calhoun would have to pull off quite the coaching job to give Air Force a winning season. The Rams get the Zoomies at home, which could turn out to be key to Colorado State breaking their awful streak and beating the Falcons for the first time since 2005.

So there ya have it. 8-5 and a trip to the Calahan Auto Parts Inline Rotary Girder Bowl in Flint, Michigan. Honestly 8-5 seems a little overzealous, but when I went through the schedule game-by-game, it kind of made sense.  Before breaking down each game, I probably would have predicted a 7-6 or even 6-7 season. So credit a diminished Mountain West and a fairly soft schedule for the Rams turnaround.

*OTHER STUFF*

Last week, I showed you a news report from some kid at Ball State who made a half-court shot to win free tuition for a year. Apparently my Alma Matter did not want to be outdone. This is so awesome.

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They didn’t have those pep rally things for new freshman when I went there. Looks like a ton of fun. And that kid will remember that moment for a very, very long time. Pretty clutch.

This is one way to score a touchdown.

Good old preseason football.  (via @cjzero)

This is hilarious and well done.

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I love watching the Little League World Series. This stole the show for me.

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So did this.

(GIF via guysim.com)

I’m not sure which is better. Tumbling down 6 rows and exploding countless empty plastic chairs or an all out faceplant into some bushes.

Deadspin is great at showing how stupid ESPN can be and this story on how they just made up a topic and turned it into a story is really interesting. You should read it.

This thing on MLB Payrolls is a really cool timewaster.

Welcome to school, kids.

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LIKE A BAAADASSSSS! Like a badass indeed, nerdy Andy Samberg. You really got those dorky ACC engineers riled up. I think a few of them even clapped a couple times. Seriously, were those kids sedated?

I fancy myself a bit of a beard aficionado, so I really enjoyed this cool stop-motion video some dude with a great beard made.

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Gets a little weird at the end, but it’s still cool.

And finally, don’t try to rob this store in Brazil. (Wait for iiiitt….)

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I really hope that’s real and the worker inside is just an animal.

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. Enjoy your Labor Day Weekend. We’ll talk some Broncos next week. See ya then.

…and Go Rams!

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @MitchDHahn.

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Todd Helton and the 2500 Hit Club; Von Miller is Confusing; Fox Sports 1 Launches

Welcome to the 23rd Tuesdays With Mitch. Big post this week. Get to readin…

Todd Helton is about to reach the 2500 hit mark for his career. (Photo: Getty Images)

Todd Helton turns 40 today, so he just reached a huge milestone. He’s about to reach another. Helton is 7 hits shy of 2500 in his career. I’m a huge baseball nerd and a Helton devotee, so I did quite a bit of research on this. Much is made of the 3000 hit club and rightfully so, but the 2500 hit club is one pretty good indicator of Hall Of Fame worthiness.

Todd is going to be the 96th person in the history of baseball to join the club. Of the 95 players to do it, 62 are in the HOF. Only 33 are not. That number 33; however, is misleading.

Three players would certainly be Hall of Famers if they were not in hot water. Pete Rose is banned by baseball. Rafael Palmeiro and Barry Bonds are eligible for the HOF, but are PED users, so they haven’t been voted in.

Thirteen of the 33 players in this group are either active (Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Ichiro Suziki and Manny Ramirez) or have retired too recently to become eligible for the Hall.

That leaves 17 eligible, non-cheaters who have 2500 hits and are not in the Hall Of Fame. Of these 17, 3 players (Lave Cross, George Van Haltren and Jimmy Ryan) had careers that began in the 1880s, so it’s really impossible to include them in this discussion. Another, Doc Cramer, joined the MLB in 1929 and has 37 career homers.

So now we’re down to 13 modern-day MLB players with 2500 hits who are eligible for the HOF and are not cheaters or banned gamblers and still not in. Here’s that list, and remember this is only the players that meet the aforementioned criteria.

2500 hits list

We can cross Biggio off this list. He’ll be in; probably next year. He didn’t make it this year because baseball writers are peculiar about “first ballot” entrants. They try to save that for the super elite of the elite.

Of the other 12, only Harold Baines has more homers (384) than Helton’s current number of 362. Most of the dudes on this list are nice players that played for about 22 years, hit .270 and about 23o homers.

Two players on this list have a career OPS above .800. Baines’s is .820; Parker’s is .810. The rest are somewhere in the .700s. Helton’s current career OPS is .955. Many baseball people consider this stat (which is calculated as OBP + SLG) to be the most important stat in baseball.

Baseball writers will hold against him the era in which he played and the park in which he played, but if Todd Helton doesn’t make the Hall of Fame, it would be a huge snub and a disservice to the game. (Really, he should get in on the swag of this bat flip alone).

I bring this up now because there’s a little more than a month left in what is likely Helton’s final season. His last home game is Wednesday, Sept 25 against the Red Sox (unfortunately because of their obnoxious douche bag fans that will take over Coors Field and potentially ruin what should be a very special game/moment in the Colorado sports pantheon).

The Rockies are done and most of us have tuned out. Helton isn’t the player he once was (although he’s actually been hitting pretty well since July). All that said, Rockies fans and Colorado sports fans don’t have much time left to watch a true Hall of Famer and one of baseball’s all-time great hitters as he plays out the last of what has been an incredible career.

I don’t have any idea what is going on with the Von Miller story either. He was going to be suspended for four games. Then there were pretty good chances that his appeal would be at least a little successful and his suspension would be reduced to less than four games. Then we were supposed to find out what the deal was on Thursday. Instead he met with the union and there was no other news. Then yesterday we learned that he’s likely going to be suspended for six games instead of four for some reason that nobody really understands.

Von Miller doesn’t appear to be making smart decisions. (AP Photo)

We know (maybe) that he failed a drug test in 2011. Then he missed a drug test? Or failed another one? Or missed multiple drug tests? Or botched a drug test by spilling his pee, maybe intentionally, maybe unintentionally? Then drinking so much water his next test was unusable?

And now he may have been a witness to a murder? And he may have been trying to buy guns? I have no idea what’s going on. At this point, just tell me how many games he’s going to miss and I’ll go from there. His “I know I have done nothing wrong” statement sure doesn’t look real good right now.

If Von is gone for six games, the Broncos defense looks very shaky all of the sudden. What made the Broncos so good last year was balance. They were they only team in the NFL with a top 5 offense and a top 5 defense. Right now it looks like they will need to lean much more heavily on their offense.

Miller is going to miss 6 games. Elvis Dumervil is gone. Champ Bailey was excellent last year (save the Baltimore game) but he is aging it’s not unrealistic to imagine some regression there. He’s also banged up now. Those three alone are some really, really badass dudes. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chris Harris (who I’m a big fan of) doesn’t play quite as well as last year. Rahim Moore might not ever figure it out. Derek Wolfe was taken off the field in an ambulance. It sounds like he’ll be okay, but that’s never a good thing.

Anyway, at the moment it seems like the addition of Wes Welker (also banged up) will need to lead to a whole lot more points on offense, because it’s hard to imagine this defense playing at a top-5 level in 2013. And missing Von Miller for six games is a big part of that.

Fox Sports One launched on Saturday. Here’s the open to the first Fox Sports Live, which is their version of SportsCenter. Charissa Thompson, who used to be a Rockies reporter lady, has a prominent role.

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My initial impression on  Fox Sports Live has been positive. Hosts Dan O’Toole and Jay Onrait are funny, laid back and hip. In a fascinating tactic, Fox Sports Live actually shows highlights from games, something that SportsCenter gave up long ago. No joke, about 20 minutes into Fox Sports Live on Sunday, they showed highlights from the Rockies – Orioles game. I can’t remember the last time anyone on SportsCenter has even mentioned the Rockies.

Lots happening on the Fox Sports Live screen. via @mocksession

Some people have complained that there’s too much crap happening on the screen (a ticker at the bottom, a headline above the ticker, a large sidebar with even more information and graphics on the side) but I actually don’t mind that. FSL is clearly aimed at a fairly young demographic– they’re not afraid to “bro it up”. One intersting note, SportsCenter is great at reporting somber stories or bad news and it will be interesting to see how Fox Sports Live is able to handle news that isn’t all lighthearted and fun.

Doing stuff like this is always a good move. This segment killed me. Hope it’s recurring:

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At the very least, there’s another option for a nightly sports show, which I’m happy about because I just can’t do SportsCenter anymore.

Speaking of ESPN being horrible, this man is paid 7 figures a year by that network:

skip

The most important thing to happen in Sunday’s Red Sox – Yankees game that produced all kinds of drama was the sign from this genius .

via @cjzero

In a stunning surprise, not a single Colorado team received a single vote in the AP Top 25.

Ty Lawson is also in trouble.

I laughed pretty hard when I saw this.

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I can do that.

via @thebiglead.com

That’s just some high school kid in Oregon and I’m pretty sure it’s real.

Unsespecting people getting hit the face by things is always funny.

(via businessinsider.com / @corkgaines)

When a rookie hits a homer… sometimes this happens.

I love it.

Funny side story: My buddy (and a loyal reader… I think) recently completed a 100-mile ultra-marathon for elite runners in  (or across? or starting in?) Leadville, Colorado. It all takes place above 10,000 feet and takes about 24 hours to complete. He does these things without any publicity, so I only knew about this after the fact. I asked him, “Dude did you finish some kind of 100 mile race?” His response:

“Yes. It was hard.”

That made me laugh. (And congrats, Carson.)

This kid’s One Shining Moment:

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Remember Planking?

And yes, I stole that planking line from the dudes on Fox Sports Live. (via @sbnationgif)

Pretty sad story here. Danny Spond, who starred at Columbine and went on to be a starting linebacker at Notre Dame, ended his career due to medical issues. He had issues with “mysterious migraines” in the past. Football is bad for your brain.

And finally, Last week I showed you a touching video of a “My Wish” segment with the Carolina Panthers. ESPN published one Sunday and it’s even more of a tear-jerker. The look in this kid’s eyes when he rolls out on the field is just awesome.

I kept thinking that if I were six and got to do that at Coors Field, I would have literally been the happiest boy in the world. It looked like Kyle felt the same way. Great stuff.

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @MitchDHahn.

Your Weekly Roundup From the Sports World and Internet

Welcome to the 22nd Tuesdays With Mitch, where I am not deterred by an apparently broken laptop. I overcame that shit like a champ this week. Lots to get to, starting with some random sports thoughts.

Someone told me the Broncos played a preseason game. Nobody got hurt, so it was a success. I’m convinced the NFL preseason only exists so sports talk radio hosts in Denver can babble about specific inconsequential nothings each day for about a month. The NFL preseason is probably going to change soon. If it were me, I’d eliminate 2 preseason games and keep the regular season at 16 games in 17 weeks. That’s two weeks less of something resembling football though, so America probably doesn’t agree with me.

Peyton Manning didn’t get hurt in the first preseason game. So that’s good. AP Photo

The Rockies completed a franchise record-tying worst road trip ever with a 1-9 journey. Then they came home and swept the team with the best record in baseball. They are weird like that.

The Dodgers are 38-8 since June 22. They look like a World Series team, which sucks because I really don’t like them or their fans. But still, you heard it here first.

Johnny Manziel is probably going to get suspended because he signed autographs for money. That NCAA rule is just lunacy and will probably be changed soon, but I don’t understand why a rich kid with so much at stake would do that. Really weird story.

I’m excited for the launch of Fox Sports 1 on Saturday. This is the first time somebody is coming into the cable sports game with the goal of being a serious competitor to ESPN. The channel will air marquee events and be in tens of millions of homes when they launch, so I think their chances of hanging around are pretty good. Also, there’s a growing population of people (yours truly) that are just getting sick of ESPN and lots of the stupid things they do. When I was in middle school and high school my favorite show was SportsCenter. I watched the entire hour almost every day. Not anymore. I bet I haven’t watched an entire SportsCenter in eight years. It’s just not compelling. All you see is contrived debate on the same stupid topics. Anyway, FS1 could flop, but I don’t think it will. More on this battle in the LA Times.

I watched this live and thought That would make a great GIF in my blog. And here we are.

via @sbnationgif

Phil just strutting over a rope with no hands and two cheerleader-quality, chin-high leg kicks. Who says these guys aren’t athletes? Seriously though, I bet I couldn’t do that.

Jason Dufner wastes no time.

via @sbnationgif

Hey Jason, you may or may not be on camera after winning the PGA Championship. Just a thought.

An announcer said Nelson Cruz has, “Taken a dump on the Texas Rangers” and that made me very, very happy. Because I have the sense of humor similar to that of a third-grader, anyone using any form of the phrase “take a dump” can make me laugh instantly. I can’t embed the video, but I found it here. Some form of the “Taken a dump” phrase should be said in every future sports broadcast.

For example: “The Rockies have really taken a dump on Edinson Volquez this year.”

“It didn’t take long for Mark Sanchez to come in and just take a dump all over everything again.”

“Jon Embree tried his best, but he really took a dump on the Colorado football program.”

I could go all day, but I’ll stop at three.

This large lady(?) made some kind of strange Derek Jeter mask, and it is not something anyone should enjoy looking at.

via deadspin.com

Here’s an equally disgusting and creepy GIF from a baseball game. I apologize in advance for Charlie Manuel’s dentures:

via @corkgaines

I mean, that is seriously gross.

I enjoyed this video of Harry Carey interviewing Bill Murray 25 years ago before the first night game at Wrigley Field.

Tom Brady is a womanizing creep just like the rest of us.

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Miguel Cabrera is the best hitter of our generation. He has a shot a second consecutive triple crown this year. We are legitimately watching one of the best hitters of all-time. So here he is falling down.

via ftw.usatoday.com

Check out the kid in the front row (blue shirt, red hat) who goes straight Nelson Muntz.

I’ll balance out that non-smooth with a whole lot of smooth.

via guysim.com

And this is just sweet.

via guyism.com

This cartoon/column on why we love sports is really cool.

Since I’ve twice documented fans behind home plate interacting with foul balls, I felt inclined to link to another one. This lady is really scared.

Here’s a video of some Mormon missionairies hustling some black dudes in “the hood”

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If you can get over the strange robot news lady, this is pretty awesome.

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And finally, if you have five minutes and feel like smiling…

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Maybe it’s a PR grab, but you’d have to be quite the cynic to not enjoy that kind of stuff.

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @MitchDHahn.

The History of Alex Rodriguez Being a Douche

Welcome to the 21st Tuesdays With Mitch, where I’m accepting my 50 game suspension without appeal. It is what it is.

Alex Rodriguez has been suspended for 211 games because he’s a cheater and liar. It’s an unprecedented situation for MLB. 12 other players have been suspended for 50 games. None of them are appealing their suspensions. Alex Rodriguez is appealing his. It’s pretty clear that he’s appealing only because he wants to prolong the process to salvage as much of his giant contract from the Yankees as possible.

I would argue that that makes him a douche. However, this douchey instance is only the tip of the douche ice berg when it comes to A-Fraud. Or A-Roid. Whichever you prefer. Let’s all enjoy a look back, in no particular order.

“Have you ever used steroids, Human Growth Hormone or any other performance enhancing substance?”

“No.”

“Have you ever been tempted to use any of those things?”

“No.”

So here we have a very purple-lipped Rodriguez calmly denying steroid use, when everybody knew he was taking ‘roids. That’s always a good move. After those first couple questions he quickly rolls in to talking about how good he is. Essentially saying, “Nah I’m too good to use PEDs.” Nice move, Alex. And why not defend the almost-equally douchey Barry Bonds to cap it all off!

I never read “gossip magazines.” Don’t understand why anyone ever would. Unless it has somebody saying this stuff:

“He was so vain,” his ex tells Us Weekly. “He had not one, but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur. You know, the half man, half horse figure?”

Adds the ex, “It was ridiculous.”

So this is pretty great. The dude has two paintings of himself hanging above his bed. That’s really, really douchey. But wait. There’s more. Those paintings are of him as a half man, half horse. That’s legendary doucheness. Just legendary. The internet had some fun with that one.

He also cheated on his wife. So that’s not very cool of him either. Oh yeah, and he cheated on his wife with the most famous, kinda-hot-but-probably-pretty-gross, cougar in the world. Madonna. Freaking Madonna! You can’t make this stuff up.

(photo courtesy MLB)

So thus far we have a douchey, purple-lipped superstar who has cheated at the game of baseball and lied about it on network TV. Then we have a report that he might be the strangest narcissist ever. Then we found he cheats in his marriage too. Good stuff, but let’s keep it going.

We also have three separate instances of Rodriguez being completely out of touch with the “unwritten rules” of baseball, which many of you may scoff at, but MLBers surely do not.

He almost started a brawl when he ran across the pitchers mound after making an out, causing Dallas Braden to freak out. You’re not supposed to do that.

More famous are his yelling at an infielder trying to catch a pop up. Huge douche move unless you’re playing kickball on recess.

(via Bleacher Report)

And of course in the 2004 ALCS he slapped the glove of Bronson Arroyo trying to tag him, causing Arroyo to drop the ball. After the play, he was ruled out for interference. An easy call for the umps, an easy target for people who like to call out douchebags.

(via bleacherreport)

Let’s not forget that after being hurt/bad for last year’s ALCS, he sent a ball boy into the stands to try to get a couple numbers. The guy is doing this during freaking playoff games. During the games! Yet another douche move that highlights how out of touch with the world this guy is.

Of course he was caught on camera watching the super bowl in a suite and being hand fed popcorn from an actress.

(via @mocksession)

Now, watching the Super Bowl with Cameron Diaz might not make you a douche, but use your own freaking hands to eat. You douche.

And of course he did a photoshoot and made out with himself for a little bit.

New York Daily News

Never in the history of douchey pictures has a douchier picture been taken.

To wrap this up, we can confidently surmise that Alex Rodriguez is a cheating, womanizng, lying, egomaniac. To put it nicely.

He’s also quite the douche.

OTHER STUFF

Siiiiiiirrr, I think you got the wrong workout program.

Solid crap-giving job by the announcers. Maybe he needed a smaller shirt.

How do you perfectly sum up both the Rockies and the Pirates this year?

Found this on extramustard.si.com

This didn’t count, but it was pretty sweet.

via @thebiglead / thebiglead.com

This has to gain some respect from his players.

25 reps of 225. Decent for an old dude I guess.

The Mariners are easily confused.

(via @sbnationgif)

Me? Righty? Him? Lefty? Me? Okay, him.

Pretty sweet.

(via @sbnationgif)

Quick college roundup:

Colorado State football is not expected to do well this season. I have fairly tempered expectations for the Rams this year, but this seems low. Fifth in their six-team division and 9th overall in the Mountain West. More on this later.

Colorado football is not expected to do well this season.. I’m not just trolling when I say that last place is an absolute no-brainer. More on this later.

Colorado State basketball rewarded Larry Eustachy with a new, long term contract through 2017 – 2018 with options to extend his tenure through 2020 – 2021. Just more proof that Jack Graham isn’t here to screw around.

CSU football has a new Twitter hashtag slogan. #1TTD is a thing that fans are supposed to say when talking about the Rams on Twitter. It means One Town, One Team, One Dream. Pretty pointless and borderline lame, but now you’re informed.

Joey Porter is back in Fort Collins as a CSU graduate assistant. Having a NFL Pro Bowler with the team can’t be a bad thing.

CSU Athletics opened a new apparel store in Old Town and it looks pretty awesome.

Here is a video of police trying to corral a bunch of squealing piglets on a highway.

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And finally, this was just published on YouTube today. Expect to see it about 1 million times. Peyton and Eli channel their inner Lonely Island.

Initially I saw Eli with a Snookie-esque orange spray tan and thought this would be awesome. Then Eli started rapping and I cringed. But it picked up with some clever lyrics and it’s pretty solid. It’s 3 minutes long so hopefully it won’t be on every commercial break of every show and game I watch. If I can avoid seeing it 500,000 times I think we have a solid commercial/video on our hands.

Highlights include:

  • The introduction of Eli’s outfit at the 0:53 mark.
  • Peyton saying “Uh-huh. Yeah.” 25 times.
  • “Look at this guy using his phone as a phone.” at the 1:08 mark.
  • Eli gingerly rubbing his phone against a gold football simulating inanimate object love-making at 1:23
  • Consecutively rhyming phone with Simone, loan, throne and scone. Particularly the reference to smart phone usage on the toilet (let’s be real) and Peyton’s sweet air-buttering move at 1:40.
  • Eli’s bizarre milk-blouse analogy is a bit weird but I chuckled.
  • Archie saying “Uh-huh. Yeah.” one time is the single best moment in the video.
  • Eli taunting a dead Alexander Graham Bell? Nobody saw that coming.
  • Check out Peyton’s attempted finger-wag swag to wrap things up.

And finally finally, here’s what I think was the inspiration for the above, because why not:

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Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

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