Monthly Archives: February 2015

March Is Coming; What You Need To Know About Colorado State Basketball

Welcome to the 98th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where the dog days of winter are slowly dragging on. Does winter have dog days? Is that a thing? Whatever. Let’s get into it…

J.J. Avila has been Colorado State’s most consistent player all year long. (Erin Hull, Coloradoan)

It’s late February, which means not much is going on in the sports world. And while we may be stuck in one of the slower times on the sports calendar, it’s also the best time to jump in on the national college basketball scene. While there is nothing better than March Madness, college basketball at the end of February is pretty damn good too. We are in the middle of crunch time. The nation’s top teams are fighting for NCAA Tournament seeding and conference championships. Bubble teams are fighting just to be included in the Big Dance.

In Colorado and the Rocky Mountain region, only one team has a shot to receive an at-large bid to the tourney. And that team is the Colorado State Rams, who should be going dancing for the third time in four years. So let’s break down what you need to know about CSU with Selection Sunday just 19 days away.

The Rams began their season with the best start in program history. After finishing their non conference slate undefeated, they won their first Mountain West game to make them 14-0. They’re currently 23-5 (10-5 in the Mountain West) with three games remaining on the regular season schedule. The last few games are all winnable. After hosting San Jose State (terrible) tomorrow night, the Rams travel to Nevada (bad) and Utah State (decent). The Utah State game will be tough (it’s Stew Morrill’s last game before retirement), but a 26-5 record is within reach. That would be the most wins in program history and make CSU all but a lock for the tournament. Indeed, Larry Eustachy is getting the most out of his talent… again.

Colorado State’s roster is full of transfers, led by two seniors in Daniel Bejerano and J.J. Avila. Bejerano is a 6’5″ guard who transferred from Arizona after his freshman year four years ago, making him the last connection the Rams have to the Tim Miles era. He’s about as athletic a shooting guard as you’ll see in the Mountain West and one of the better rebounding guards in recent memory. Bejerano is probably the most talented player on the Rams, but is too often an inconsistent shooter. Eustachy is cool with that and gives Bejerano an eternal green light from behind the arc. (Bejerano has the most three point attempts on the team and is shooting a decent 37.6 percent from deep.)

Daniel Bejerano’s sometimes streaky play is key as the Rams head to the postseason. Erin Hull, Coloradoan

The way I see it, Bejerano will be the key to success for the Rams in the Mountain West tournament and the Big Dance. When he is making his threes and controlling the offense, CSU becomes very difficult to beat and can look dominant. When he’s not– as has often been the case in conference road games– the Rams’ offense can completely stall and be painful to watch.

Avila is a burly 6’8″ 250 pound forward who looks a little bit like Mr. Incredible. Avila transferred from the Naval Academy after his sophomore year. Though Bejerano is more athletically gifted, Avila has been the Rams’ best player this year. When Avila gets the ball in the low block, it’s fun as hell to watch him go to work. He utilizes crafty footwork, angles, pump fakes, spins and a three-inch vertical leap to make weird-ass shots on a regular basis. Avila does it all. His averages on the year (rounded): 17 points, 7 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals, while shooting 55 percent from the floor. His consistent play all season is the biggest reason the Rams are 23-5.

The Rams lead the Mountain West in scoring at  73 points per game, which is a bunch in the current college basketball environment. Looking at KenPom’s* advanced statistics, the Rams have one of the nation’s better offenses (46th in Adjusted Offensive Efficiency) paired with a below average defense (147th in Adjusted Defensive Efficiency). They play at an above average pace (51st in Adjusted Tempo), which makes for more pleasant viewing than a lot of good team’s in today’s college basketball world.

*I think the top-heavy Mountain West and general awfulness of the lower-tier teams has jerked with kenpom’s numbers a bit this season. His formula has the Rams ranked 68th overall, quite a bit lower than several other metrics.

Most bracket predictions have CSU somewhere around a 10-seed right now. But of course, those predictions are fluent and change on a regular basis. So how will the rest of this season play out for Colorado State? Probably better than this worst case scenario, and worse than this best case scenario.

Worst Case (Realistic) Scenario: The Rams beat San Jose State comfortably tomorrow night because San Jose State is one of the worst teams I’ve ever seen, but stumble and lose in Reno to a bad Nevada team. They follow that up with a loss at Utah State and finish the year 24-7 and in fifth place in the Mountain West. They win one game in the Mountain West tournament but lose in the second round. Selection Sunday comes and goes without the Rams’ name being called. The excitement and promise from earlier in the year turns out to be completely for naught. The Rams are a fairly high seed in the N.I.T., but nobody cares.

Best Case (Realistic) Scenario:  The Rams win their final three regular season games to finish 26-5. With some help from Boise State and Wyoming they finish second in the Mountain West standings. Behind another impressive three-point shooting performance, they beat San Diego State in the Mountain West tournament championship, moving them to 29-5. On Selection Sunday they learn the committee has rewarded them with a 6-seed. In the Big Dance they beat an 11-seed (think Purdue or UCLA) and then upset a 3-seed (think North Carolina or Utah in Las Vegas Bowl revenge) to reach the Sweet 16 and move them to 31-5. The magic comes to an end during the tournament’s second weekend when the Rams finally go down to a more athletic and more talented 2-seed.

I don’t know what the future holds for the Rams, but I do know the college basketball bandwagon has plenty of room and it’s officially time for you to jump on. Around these parts, the team in Fort Collins is reason enough to hop on board.

Off to the weekly departments…

Stud of the week:

NBC

“Parks and Recreation”, one of the great comedies of all time, comes to an end tonight after seven seasons. “Parks and Rec” never really caught on for mainstream audiences like “The Office” did, but is probably a better show in its totality. Some people think the reason “Parks and Rec” never blew up is the first season wasn’t as good as the next six. I think the show was simply too different (smart) to appeal to broad (dumb) audiences like “Two and Half Men” or “The Big Bang Theory”, but not raunchy or obscure enough to find a niche like “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.”

I’ve never seen another show that could be so sweet, genuine, warm, fuzzy, cute, and sincere at the same time as being uproariously funny, bizarre, quick, smart, absurd, and hilarious. Here’s my guy Alan Sepinwall:

In the end, it is one of the best comedies TV has ever seen, and one that stands out from so much of the great shows of this new Golden Age of Television because its default emotion was joy when so many of this era’s great shows are defined by darkness, and its default philosophy was one of optimism at a time when even the best comedies today tend towards ironic detachment.

He goes on…

So let me put it this way: there is a stretch of 42 episodes spanning seasons 2, 3 and 4 without a bad one among them. Every sitcom, even the best, churns out a misfire now and then; for two-odd years, every “Parks” episode was at a minimum very good, and at a maximum a classic of the form, mixing slapstick, social satire and simple character-based comedy.

The show’s cast was unbelievably deep for a broadcast network comedy. Amy Poehler, Nick Offerman, Aziz Ansari, Rashida Jones, Chris Pratt, Adam Scott, Rob Lowe, and Aubrey Plaza are all much bigger stars than they were six years ago (with the exception of Lowe, probably). And all Offerman did was create one of the greatest TV characters of all-time in Ron Swanson:

Anyway I’ll stop talking about TV now, but I look forward to the finale tonight. I’ve never been so confident in a show to stick the landing.

(If you haven’t watched, the first six seasons are on Netflix.)

Douche(s) of the week:

Boyhood didn’t win Best Picture. What the hell, people? Smdh.

Vine(s) of the week:

There were some crazy dunks in the basketball world this week. We’ll start this section by continuing the CSU basketball theme. Here is former Ram Jon Octeus, who was with CSU for the last couple years before trying to transfer to UCLA, not getting in, and landing at Purdue.

I never saw that from J.O. in a Rams’ uniform. On a side note, CSU is without a reliable true point guard. They could have really used Octeus’ long, active defense this year.

The other college dunk of the week came from Jarell Martin of LSU, who went between the legs IN A GAME! IN COLLEGE!

I’ve seen some crazy-ass dunks from JR Smith from his time in Denver, but this one might have dropped my jaw more than any other.

This doesn’t have its own section, but here’s a video of a 92-year-old man driving around a Piggly Wiggly parking lot in Wisconsin. It’s pretty funny if you know that no one was hurt and you can avoid getting into a debate about the elderly’s right to drive and society’s role in accommodating the elderly and confronting your own fear of one day growing old.

The driver was not cited.

Here’s a disgustingly terrifying video of a land octopus, which I’m pretty sure wasn’t a real thing until a few days ago.

And finally, check out this ending to a middle school basketball game. (White team is up by one.)

A jump ball as time expires results in the end of the game. Just when you thought you’ve seen it  all…

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week (for the 99th Tuesday in a row).

***

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

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All Things, Ranked

Welcome to the 97th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where I’m going completely off the board with a very different post today. Let’s get into it…

IMG_1184

A recent trend I’ve noticed and enjoyed in the blogging/Twitter world has been the rankings of a certain, generally random category or criteria. These lists typically offer no explanation or reasoning for each ranking. The list is the list, as determined by the list-maker. That’s it. This lack-of-explanation, I’m-right-you’re-wrong format lends itself to vehement disagreement from perplexed readers. (For example this “Ages 40 and Under, Ranked” list inexplicably ranks the age of 21 as the 38th best age, which is completely appalling.)

These things always have the same title format, which is:  “[Insert Category], Ranked”. Some of them are simple (“Superheros, Ranked“), some of them are very important (“Land Animals That Would F*** You Up In Hand-To-Hand Combat, Ranked“) and none of them are to be taken too seriously. Deadspin is probably the foremost authority in this realm. (They have a whole page devoted to their various “Ranked Lists” here.)

So during what might be the slowest sports time on the calendar and in need of some cheer with this crappy weather during the second-worst month of the year (see below), I compiled my personal rankings of all the random crap I could think of, because most of them are things that make me happy. While compiling these lists, I realized that ranking stuff comes naturally to my somewhat OCD personality. You’d be surprised how often I find myself driving home from work debating the merits of, say, milk vs. V8 Juice or Sundays vs. Fridays or Jager vs. Schnapps.

And yes, I actually put quite a bit of legitimate thought and personal debate into each of these completely pointless rankings that won’t mean anything to anyone. If you need me to defend any of my choices, come at me, bro. And keep in mind that all rankings are fluent and could change at any time; this is just where things stand as of right now. Okay off we go…

Foods, Ranked

  1. Steak
  2. Cheese
  3. Burritos (Non-Breakfast)
  4. Cereal
  5. Apples (Honeycrisp)
  6. Wings (Buffalo)
  7. Toast
  8. Chile (Green)
  9. Potatoes (All Varieties)
  10. Sweet Potatoes (Mom’s)
  11. Burritos (Breakfast)
  12. Lasagna (Mom’s)
  13. Seeds (Sunflower)
  14. Mac & Cheese
  15. Pancakes
  16. Burger (Bacon and Cheese)
  17. Pizza (With Cream Cheese As One Of Multiple Toppings)
  18. Whatever The Free Desert Thing Outback Steakhouse Gave Me On My Birthday About Five Years Ago Was

Famous Or Somewhat Famous Women I Have Never Met Who I Think I Want To Marry* (aka Mitch Hahn Swoon Index), Ranked

*Subject’s availability not a factor

  1. Kacey Musgraves
  2. Corey Rose
  3. Carrie Underwood
  4. Katie Nolan
  5. Allie LaForce
  6. Jessica Alba
  7. Kate Upton

Fast-Casual Restaurants, Ranked

  1. Chipotle
  2. Q Doba
  3. SmashBurger
  4. Noodles & Co.
  5. Subway
  6. Five Guys
  7. Tokyo Joe’s
  8. Panda Express

Beverages (Soft) Ranked

  1. Water
  2. Tea (Hot)
  3. Milk
  4. Tea (Iced)
  5. V8
  6. Coffee
  7. Orange Juice
  8. Gatorade (G2, All Flavors)
  9. Gatorade (Regular, All Flavors)
  10. Pop/Soda (All)

Beverages (All) Ranked

  1. Water
  2. Beer
  3. Whiskey
  4. Scotch
  5. Tea (Hot)
  6. Old Fashioned
  7. Whiskey-Coffee
  8. Whiskey-Coke
  9. Gin & Tonic
  10. Milk
  11. Whiskey-Sprite
  12. Tea (Iced)
  13. Manhattan
  14. Coffee
  15. Rum & Coke
  16. Bloody Mary
  17. Margarita (Rocks)

Liquors, Ranked

  1. Whiskey/Bourbon
  2. Scotch
  3. Gin
  4. Tequila
  5. Rum
  6. Schnapps
  7. Jagermeister
  8. Vodka

Days, Ranked

  1. TUESDAY*
  2. Saturday
  3. Sunday
  4. Friday
  5. Thursday
  6. Wednesday
  7. Monday

*Not really

Months, Ranked

  1. July
  2. June
  3. August
  4. December
  5. September
  6. October
  7. May
  8. November
  9. April
  10. March
  11. February
  12. January

Holidays, Ranked

  1. Christmas
  2. Thanksgiving
  3. Fourth of July
  4. Memorial Day
  5. Labor Day
  6. Easter
  7. Mother’s Day/ Father’s Day 100 Percent Tie (Hi parents)
  8. Halloween
  9. New Year’s Eve
  10. New Year’s Day
  11. St. Patrick’s Day
  12. President’s Day
  13. Columbus Day
  14. Earth Day
  15. Flag Day
  16. April Fool’s Day
  17. Valentine’s Day

Current TV Comedies, Ranked

  1. Veep
  2. Parks and Recreation
  3. Archer
  4. Louie*
  5. It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia
  6. Workaholics
  7. Girls*
  8. Review
  9. Broad City
  10. Drunk History
  11. Tosh.0

*Kind of a comedy, kind of a drama. I went ahead and included them, which complicates things because now I don’t know if I’m ranking the BEST shows or the FUNNIEST shows. I remain unclear on this distinction.

Current Or Recent TV Dramas, Ranked

  1. Mad Men
  2. Breaking Bad
  3. Friday Night Lights
  4. Fargo
  5. The Americans
  6. True Detective
  7. Boardwalk Empire
  8. The Leftovers
  9. Better Call Saul (?)
  10. Justified

Musicians On The Current Major Country Music Radio Scene, Ranked

  • 1A. Zac Brown Band
  • 1B. Eric Church
  • 3. (None)

Okay that’s enough of that. If you have any questions or corrections on any of these 122 rankings, hit up the comment section.

Let’s hit a couple weekly departments…

Stud(s) of the week:

Lots of studs this week, starting with 88-year-old Lew Dunlop, who was not feeling this high heat at Rockies Fantasy Camp

Lew is awesome.

Aaaand here’s the most hilarious post game interview ever.

This guy would be more of a hero if he didn’t get caught, but he’s still a hero.

I don’t have time to count how many glass bottles of beer were confiscated but it appears to be a couple 12-packs. Astounding.

And touching stuff from Tom Crean in a post game presser:

Vine of the week:

So this is pretty wild:

And finally, here’s the coolest video I’ve seen in a long time, even though it appears to have been recorded using the flip phone I had in high school.

The lesson here is that Rams are badass.

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

***

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

Colorado State Should Quit Playing Colorado Anyway

Welcome to the 96th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where I am unable to think of a clever or creative opening line. Let’s get into it…

The Rocky Mountain Showdown might only have a few games left in its storied history. (Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)

I’ll start with Wednesday’s news out of Boulder that Colorado athletic director Rick George is not interested in continuing the Buffs’ yearly rivalry game with Colorado State once the current contract expires in 2020. George doesn’t like that the game is played in Denver. He would prefer a true home game in Boulder each year, which would bring in more revenue and better chance at a rare CU victory.

As far as the remaining games on the contract, George would like to bring those back to campuses, but indicated that CSU isn’t cooperating. (It’s clear that the CSU folks like the game played in Denver.)

Regarding the location of the game, I would be fine with it returning to the schools’ campuses. I’ve been to each of the last nine Rocky Mountain Showdowns– eight in Denver, one in Boulder– and it’s probably my favorite party of the year. I live in the greater Denver area, so having the game nearby is always nice. But the attendance and electricity just isn’t there anymore. The atmosphere on either campus would be much more charming and captivating. It would just feel right. (Imagine the Rams opening up their new stadium in two years by blowing out the Buffs in Fort Collins.) Of course, bringing the game back to campus provides lots of logistical complications. It sounds like George would want two games in Boulder for each game in FoCo; CSU would be nuts to agree to that.

Most folks on the Colorado State side of things reacted to all of this news by calling out CU as quitters who were tired of getting beat by their supposed little brother or saying the talk is a “cry for attention.” I think there are some hints of truth to this mindset, but CU is definitely looking at things mostly from a financial perspective. George wants a home game because home games mean more money.

The CU folks also note that Colorado doesn’t have a lot to gain from playing the Rams, saying when CU wins they don’t get much credit because that is the expectation. (Never mind that CSU was the best nonconference team on CU’s schedule last year by a mile.)

But for Rams fans, all of these conversations leave out what I think is the most important question:  What is Colorado State getting out of scheduling a game with CU each year? They get a fun rivalry game. They get a chance to rally their fan base. And they get an awful team on their schedule and a waste of a precious nonconference game.

I should preface this by saying it is tremendously unclear what either program will look like in 2021. Beyond that, it’s unclear what the college football landscape as a whole will look like in 2021. And I wouldn’t be surprised if both parties come to some sort of resolution within the next five years and keep the rivalry intact.

But as it stands now, removing the albatross that is the Colorado game from CSU’s schedule would benefit the Rams. If Mike Bobo can build on Jim McElwain’s momentum and keep elevating the CSU program the way lots of Rams fans are envisioning, it would be wise to simply leave CU behind.

Colorado State has its eyes on Mountain West championships and New Year’s Day bowl games. (Not to mention more-than-occasional glances on the potential move to a larger conference like the Big 12.) Playing one of the worst Power 5 teams in the country each season isn’t moving things in that direction. Last year, when CSU was in contention for a Fiesta Bowl berth before losing to Air Force, it was clear the CFP committee was completely unimpressed with the Rams’ win over the Buffs. That makes sense, because CU was terrible.

Colorado State needs to think bigger. If they “schedule up” and play a good team each year instead of CU, it would benefit the program, win or lose. Boise State, the program CSU is trying to track down, lost to Ole Miss and beat Connecticut last year. Ole Miss turned out to be a really good team; UConn turned out to be pretty bad. Nonconference scheduling is tricky, because you never know how good your opponents will be. But for the last decade, CSU has known what it’s getting when it schedules CU, and that’s a bad team from a major conference. This was fine for a lot of years when the Rams were an equally bad team from a smaller conference. But times have changed in Fort Collins, while the futility in Boulder has no end in sight.

I’ve grown up watching this rivalry, so not having it around would feel odd and wrong to me and my generation of Colorado sports fans. And again, enough could change in the next few years to make this whole conversation moot. But as of right now, it makes sense for CSU to happily let CU walk away.

I also wanted to write about how awful the Nuggets are, but instead I’ll just direct you to these four links.

Things are bad in Nuggetland.

And a quick update on CSU basketball, which is the only team on the Front Range with a chance to earn an at-large bid to the Big Dance.

Currently, ESPN has them as an 10-seed. CBS has them as a 9.

Basically, what all this means is that if CSU closes strong for the final seven games of their schedule (starting tonight at home to New Mexico, 9 pm, ESPNU) they should make their third NCAA tournament in four years. If they win the games I think they should win, they’ll finish the year either 26-5 or 25-6 and go either 13-5 or 12-6 in the Mountain West. Follow that up with a decent showing in the Mountain West tourney, and they would be pretty comfortable on Selection Sunday. One bad loss, though, and that changes in a hurry.

Off to the weekly departments…

Douche(s) of the week:

I’ve always respected Brian Williams’ career as a Journalist/TV-News-Reader-Guy. Then this week we learned that sometimes he just makes stuff up. Like this story, in particular:

Williams is truthful for zero of those thirty seconds. That’s appalling. Not only is he lying on the news, he’s diminishing the things our members of the military go through to try to make himself sound like some kind of badass. Here’s part of his explanation for the dispute from the New York Times.

“You are absolutely right and I was wrong,” he wrote, adding that he had in fact been on the helicopter behind the one that had been hit. Constant viewing of the video showing him inspecting the impact area, he said, “and the fog of memory over 12 years — made me conflate the two, and I apologize.”

Right. Conflated the two …Or you were just making crap up, bro.

His reporting on accounts during Hurricane Katrina have also been called into question. What a douche. At least it provided some fun for the internet masses with stuff like this:

Then there’s this big dumb idiot who goes around poking his opponents in their eyes. All three of these sure look intentional to me. This is not okay.

Stud of the week:

Some dude in Alaska took a 46-mile, 15-hour walk while it was 35 degrees below zero because… he just kinda felt like it.

He’s a hero in my book.

Vine of the week:

Check out this interaction between Chris Paul and Kevin Durant. Paul’s Clippers are getting blown out, but he stares at the Thunder bench after hitting a jumper anyway. Durant retorts with, “You’re down twenty now, homie. You’re down twenty now, homie.” Pretty awesome.

Tweet of the week:

Dickie V has just never quite got a complete grasp of Twitter, which makes him one of my favorite follows.

And finally, the latest SportsCenter commercial just came out a few hours ago. If you read my blog last week, you know I think it’s awesome.

Lots of people think the Halftime Sharks have jumped the… never mind. I’m here to tell you they’re still funny. THHHISS!!! is always funny.

Gawker

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

***

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

Your Super Bowl Sunday Roundup

Welcome to the 95th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we always hand it off from the one. Let’s get into it…

Shaggy Hair Quarterback Guy is sad. Big Fat Lineman Guy is happy. Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

I’ll start with some thoughts on the last football game we’ll see in a long time because it was a fun one. Going into the game, I was kind of rooting for the Seahawks as the lesser of two evils. During the game, I found myself not caring at all who won because both teams are so easy to hate. But instead of grimacing during either teams’ successes, I focused on enjoying the mistakes and failures that flowed throughout the game. Someone had to lose, and that meant at various points of the game I would be able to point at the TV and laugh and say things like HAHA I DON’T LIKE THAT FOOTBALL PLAYER AND HE JUST PERFORMED POORLY!

Here are a few of my personal highlights and low-lights:

HIGH:  Tom Brady throws an absolutely hilarious, terrible first-quarter interception right to a defender standing by himself at the goal line. It looked like Tom was trying to turn it over. It was awesome. This is probably my favorite moment of the entire game.

LOW:  Awww man, now the Seahawks defense gets to strut around and brag like they actually had something to do with that gift.

HIGH: The vaunted Seahawks secondary and “Legion of Boom” is nowhere to be found during the fourth quarter. They are unable to hold on to a 10 point lead late in the game. It’s pretty nice to see them get some comeuppance! That oughta shut ’em up for a while.

LOW: Awww man, Tom Brady just played like the best quarterback of all time. We don’t like him so that’s not cool! In the fourth quarter Brady went 13-15 for 124 yards and two touchdowns. On the drive that led to the go-ahead score, he went 8-8. Now I’m forced to give Tom Brady all the credit in the world, because he deserves every bit of it after that performance.

HIGH: The Patriots defense gives up a long pass to Jermaine Kearse to set the Seahawks up with a golden opportunity to score the go-ahead touchdown. This happens even though New England had perfect coverage on Kearse. At this point it seems like the Patriots are going to somehow lose a Super Bowl they shouldn’t lose in a game when they were the better team. That’s tremendous news! For all of the Patriots’ cheating, smugness, inaccurate injury reports, and obnoxious fans, this really feels like something they deserved. They STILL haven’t won a Super Bowl in more than a decade!

LOW: Awww man, now the Seahawks are going to win a Super Bowl they don’t even deserve to win. We’re going to be stuck with dynasty talk and watching their cocky, narcissistic players have the right to act like they’re the best in the world. They should have never won that game against the Packers and they shouldn’t win this one either. But they’re going to. They are the luckiest damn team I’ve ever seen.

HIGH: In between gum chomps, Pete Carroll makes the worst play call in the history of football.

One thing I haven’t heard on this:  Why did they throw the ball in that situation when they have Marshawn Lynch in the backfield? Wilson’s pass was intercepted, so I don’t think they should have done that. Just my take.

LOW: Awww man, that elicited this joyous, childlike (and absolutely awesome) reaction from Tom Brady.

So yeah, overall it was an incredibly dramatic, fun, awesome Super Bowl. It’s too bad the Patriots won, but focusing on the Seahawks losing makes everything tolerable.

On another note, I’m also surprised by the lack of run (fitting word choice) the media are giving the fight that came after the game-clinching interception. The reaction isn’t a huge surprise coming from the Seahawks, whose defense never pretends to be the classiest bunch, but  I think it deserves more attention than it’s getting.

I mean, the most-watched Super Bowl in history ended with several simultaneous fights breaking out. A borderline brawl! That’s pretty awesome! After an entire season of public relations nightmares for the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, it was a fitting end. Fitting fighting. I just wish more people were talking about it, because the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE just ended an oftentimes disastrous season on a hilarious note.

Let’s move on to the weekly departments…

Stud of the week:

As crazy as the Super Bowl was, the best part of the day came during halftime because of the sharks that danced around with Katy Perry. The smiley face beach balls are cool. The happy trees and bopping surf boards provide a nice backdrop. But it is all about those sharks. These guys are so awesome.

Now, you’ll notice in the Vine above that the shark on the right has some crisp dance moves. A real pro. However, the shark on the left, whom the internet has since dubbed Left Shark, doesn’t really seem to know what’s going on. Or he doesn’t care. Or he’s drunk. Whatever. He’s the best. Deep down, we all have a little Left Shark in us.

Gawker

I’ve watched that like 100 times. This Vine is pretty awesome too. It looks like Left Shark is a little more on top of this portion of the dance.

In regards to the non-dancing-shark portions of the halftime show, I thought most of it was fine but was absolutely baffled by the surprise appearance of Missy Elliot. How odd was that? Her last hit must have been at least ten years ago and her music has absolutely nothing to do with Katy Perry.  So strange. This concludes my non-dancing-shark halftime show analysis.

Douche of the week:

Me! I’m a douche! Last week I picked 12 fairly random prop bets that I felt good about and analyzed what made them good bets. Please note that I also advised you not to actually take my advice so I hope you took my advice of not actually taking my advice. Things went poorly! So let’s pretend I put 100 bucks on each bet. I started with $1,200, how much would I end up with?

  • I felt pretty confident in my research regarding the National Anthem length. That research led me astray. Menzel went over. I’m down to $1,100.
  • Menzel did not screw up the words to the National Anthem. So I won this one, but it wasn’t much of a gamble, so my $100 risk only won me $12.50. Current total:  $1112.50
  • I knew Katy Perry would come out in a skirt. This one was easy. Again, this was the favored result, so I only won 80 bucks. Current total: $1192.50
  • Al and Chris only said “deflate” twice! They only mentioned it in one conversation! What the hell kind of world are we living in? I had the over, they went under. Current total $1092.50
  • I felt very confident Belichick would come out with his stupid looking hoodie with cut-off sleeves. I was wrong. The sleeves were intact. Current total: $992.50
  • I knew Belichick would wear a BLUE hoodie but decided to gamble on RED because I’m stupid. Current total: $892.50
  • Russell Wilson vs. the price of gas… Russell threw for 247 yards. The average price of gas Monday was $2.06. Russell wins big. I continue to lose. Current total: $792.50
  • I had a hunch the Patriots would win big; the Patriots won small. My “Margin of Victory” bet wasn’t close. Current total $692.50
  • Tom Brady threw for 328 yards. Way more than Wilson. I got one right! Current total $792.50.
  • Neither team had a safety. There goes a hundred bucks. Current total: $692.50
  • Neither team attempted a 2-point conversion. There goes a hundred more bucks. $592.50
  • Only one field goal was kicked in the whole game. It was a 27-yarder, which is longer than 24 1/2 yards, so I win another one. Current total $692.50

So had I been in Las Vegas with an extra $1,200 to spend solely on prop bets I would have lost just over 500 of those dollars. Gambling is not a wise investment. This is why I’ve vowed to never return to Las Vegas.

Tweet of the week:

We go back to the halftime show for a pretty decent joke about Katy Perry’s wardrobe. (For my older readers, that’s Will Ferrell in “Blades of Glory”.)

Photo of the week:

The best picture from Sunday was this one of Richard Sherman and Tom Brady as the game concluded. Just an awesome piece of sports photography.

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports via Reuters

Vine of the week:

This is one of the great Vines of all time, combining a classic Simpsons moment with Richard Sherman’s over-the-top reaction to that infamous interception.

Pure perfection. Look how similar Sherman’s face is to Ralph’s!

(For the record, Lisa was a little too rough on Ralph back in the day.)

Some other stuff from around the internet:

This piece on Amy Van Dyken is worth your time. She is such a badass.

Montrezl Harrell of Louisville might have had the dunk of the year in college basketball on Saturday.

Trevor Lacy of North Carolina State had a pretty awesome game-winner.

The 16th hole at the Waste Management Phoenix Open is played in a stadium setting in front of a loud, rowdy crowd. It’s unlike anything else in golf. So, when Francesco Molinari nailed a hole-in-one, some fun things happened. (Wait for the beer-throws at the 1:00 mark.) So damn fun.

This bizarre commercial aired during the Super Bowl in Saint Louis. Check it out! It’s an upbeat song about dying young of a heroin overdose.

And finally, if you haven’t seen this yet, stop what you’re doing and watch it immediately. Gronk and Lynch are hilarious. Conan is the best.

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

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