Monthly Archives: August 2014

Colorado State Football and Rocky Mountain Showdown Preview

Welcome to the 74th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where I’m gearing up for one of the biggest days of the year to kick off a four-day weekend. You best be calling in sick on Friday because we have much more important things to take care of. Get out your grill and cornhole boards and coolers and the pigskin. I’ll bring the beer and whiskey. Football is back. And it brings my absolute favorite party of the year. Let’s get into it…

Garrett Grayson Quarterback Garrett Grayson #18 of the Colorado State Rams scrambles with the ball against the Colorado Buffaloes in the Rocky Mountain Showdown at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on September 1, 2012 in Denver, Colorado.

Garrett Grayson hopes to improve to 2-1 vs. Colorado on Friday.  (Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)

Is this the year the Rams take the next step?

Most would agree that Colorado State is a program headed in the right direction as we enter Jim McElwain’s third season as head coach. In both football and basketball, CSU has removed itself from the lower tiers of the Mountain West Conference, but hasn’t been able to make the jump to the top-level. This year just may be the one that sees the Rams start beating the big boys and solidify themselves as a Mountain West contender. That said, a lot of last year’s talent is gone, so is a step back inevitable?

Any way you slice it, this is an important year for Colorado State football to determine just what they are as a program.

Before allowing me to discuss the Colorado Buffaloes and the Rocky Mountain Showdown, let’s (quickly) break down the Rams on the whole. Here’s how their 2013 went, with some very professional comments added by yours truly.

csu 13 sched with my thoughts

So in the first two weeks CSU had WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot losses to bad teams that they should have beaten. Then everything pretty much played out as you would expect, except for another bad loss to San Jose State on Homecoming weekend. That was followed by a blowout win as heavy underdogs in Laramie that completely changed the feel of the season. (Even if Wyo turned out to be pretty bad, most of us didn’t realize it at that point.)

But again, CSU couldn’t beat the top two teams in their division, not really coming close to taking down Boise State or Utah State.

Those two teams represent the two biggest (non-rivalry) games on the Rams’ schedule again this year.

screenshot via espn.com

screenshot via espn.com

So quickly looking at the 2014 slate I see a pretty damn easy schedule. I have one “maybe” (Colorado, because that game is always flukey), three “probably nots” (at Boise State, at Boston College, home to Utah State), and eight wins.

The “Next Step” I mentioned earlier would look like this for CSU:

  • Beat Colorado. More on that in a bit.
  • Beat the eight other bad teams on the schedule. The bottom of the Mountain West is crap. Wyoming is down (for now; I wouldn’t be surprised if Craig Bohl rights that ship quickly). San Jose State isn’t the formidable program it was under Mike MacIntyre. Chris Ault is gone at Nevada. And Hawaii, New Mexico and Air Force all figure to be absolutely terrible again. CSU should not lose to any of those teams. Good teams that contend for conference championships don’t have bad losses on their resume. Last year CSU was pretty good and they had three.
  • Find a way to take down Boise State or Utah State. These two teams are the heavy favorites to win the Mountain Division of the MWC. Beating a good Boise team on the road seems unlikely. Utah State, though, comes to Hughes on Homecoming Weekend. I think this is the biggest game on CSU’s schedule. This is exactly the kind of game the Rams have to start winning to change the way we all think about Colorado State football.

So I’m looking for this team to finish the regular season 9-3. I’m tempted to say 10-2 because I think they are capable of beating Colorado and winning just one of the “probably nots” I mentioned above.

Nine wins would be an improvement over last year, but that 10th win would assuredly take the program to that elusive next level, especially if that leads to an 11th win after a bowl game. That would put Colorado State at 11-2. Did I just type that? I should probably stop now, because I’m starting to sound crazy as hell.

Until they prove they can avoid bad losses or beat good teams on the road, my official prediction is a 9-3 regular season, which would still be a hell of a good year.

On the field the Rams have some pieces they should feel very good about, but a few question marks too.

Quarterback Garrett Grayson is entering his senior year after a record-breaking junior year. He’s good. If he stays healthy, the CSU offense should run efficiently all year. I have a lot of faith in this kid. Utah State quarterback Chuckie Keeton should be the best in the conference. Grayson is right behind him.

Grayson will have plenty of weapons to choose from, as his whole receiving corps is returning. Rashard Higgins was the Rams’ leading receiver last year as a true freshman. I think he’s poised for an enormous season. Remember his name.

Crockett Gillmore is gone to the NFL, but Kivon Cartwright should step in at tight end and replace him on the All-Conference team.

So about those question marks… Obviously the Rams lose just about all of their production at running back with the departure of Kapri Bibbs, Donnell Alexander, and Chris Nwoke. Yesterday McElwain said he expects the Rams to go four or even five deep at running back. For me, Alabama transfer Dee Hart is the biggest wild card on the roster. I wrote about that a couple weeks ago. He could be a season-changer.

The offensive line lost four of five starters, including one of the best Rams ever in Weston Richburg. Ty Sambrailo is the only returning starter, and he should be an all-conference selection and appears to be another future-NFLer. That said, I’m not sure what to expect from this unit. It’s hard to imagine they’ll be as good as last year’s.

Defensively, the Rams struggled quite a bit in 2013. They were actually really good against the run but had a nasty little habit of giving up huge touchdown passes. Like… All the time. They lose the Mountain West Defensive Player of the Year in Shaq Barrett, but I still think they should be improved overall defensively.

The linebacking corps will be a major strength for the Rams. The trio of Aaron Davis, Max Morgan and Cory James could be the best in the Mountain West and one of the better units in the nation. The secondary brings just about everybody back and should be better at not giving up 60-yard touchdowns seemingly every half. I don’t think the defensive line will be a strength.

So I think we’ll see more balance than last year’s team that scored a ton of points and gave up a lot of points. The offense will be high-powered again, but won’t be on the record-breaking level of last year. The defense should be improved.

Okay that’s enough of that. Let’s make fun of CU! (You should know I’m usually pretty objective on here, but with the Showdown three days away… screw it.)

Jon Embree

I don’t really have a good reason to post this, except that Jon Embree crying at his I-got-fired press conference was an absolutely hilarious moment for all involved that we should never forget. (AP Photo/Brennan Linsley)

CU football sucks. Boulder sucks. CU students and fans suck.

People think Colorado football was much improved last year. That’s because they were! Way to go, guys! They went 4-8. Two of those wins came against Charleston Southern and Central Arkansas. That means they only beat two FBS teams. They went 1-8 in the Pac-12.

Seriously. All of that represented a dramatic improvement over their 2012 season when they went 1-11. Going 2-8 against actual, real-life Division One teams means that you probably can’t rank them 128th out of 128 teams like many did after their 2012 campaign. I miss you, Jon Embree.

Obviously, part of the reason for Colorado’s awful records and innumerable blowout losses is because they usually play a really tough schedule. This is all funny to me because one of the bragging points among Colorado fans is their conference. They’re in the Pac-12! That’s one of the best conferences in the nation! It’s prestigious! They play really good teams like Stanford and USC and Oregon! Good for them!

One interesting sidenote many CU fans seem to forget: Colorado is 4-23 against the Pac-12 in their three years in the conference. Wait guys, 4-23? That’s really bad. That’s a .148 winning percentage. But hey it’s a really prestigious conference! Who cares if they get blown out and embarrassed by all the good teams every week?

I know, I know… CSU was one of the 2 FBS wins CU had last year. Colorado was the better team that day, no doubt. But as I mentioned earlier, the flukey nature of Rocky Mountain Showdown can be the most frustrating thing about the game. By every advanced metric and the good, ol’ fashioned eyeball test, Colorado State had a much better team than Colorado when the 2014 season was all said and done.

So yes, Colorado State dropped a game to a bad team, but let’s not get that confused with CU having a better overall program.

They don’t.

And can CU fans quit pretending you don’t care about this game? This is the biggest game on Colorado’s schedule. That’s what happens when you have zero chance of going .500 in your conference every year. The move to the Pac-12 means you don’t have the opportunity to get blown out by Nebraska in that “rivalry” every year unless each team makes the Rose Bowl. (No, I couldn’t type that with a straight face.) Don’t act like you’re circling that Utah game on your calendar every year either. Nobody cares about that game.

Yes, a lot of great programs come to Boulder every year, but… Haven’t we already covered this? The CSU game is really the only one for the CU fan base to get excited about.

So let’s discuss this year’s Rocky Mountain Showdown…

In a shocking development, I think Colorado State will win. Making predictions for this game is kind of pointless because so much random, flukey crap seems to happen, but what the hell. I think CU will have trouble running the ball. Paul Richardson is in the NFL now so I don’t think he will twice be standing all alone casually strolling into the end zone like last year. Even with CSU’s question-mark of an offensive line I think Grayson will have enough time to throw to open receivers for two or three touchdowns. And I don’t know what to expect from Dee Hart.

But quarterback play decides this one and Grayson outplays Liufau.

My official pointless prediction that we will only revisit if it is correct: Rams 33, Buffs 27.

Off to a couple of the weekly departments…

Douche of the week:

You’d think anything and everything associated with CU would get the honors this week, but I need to scream at shake my fist at whoever made the decision to put this game on a Friday night. Who plays college football on a Friday night? Playing on a Friday night is not a good look for college football programs that want to be taken seriously. This Friday night is the opening weekend for high school football in the state, meaning thousands of football fans will be preoccupied and can’t even consider attending the game. So the attendance, which has already been struggling greatly, will be hindered further. Also, more people have to work on Fridays than on Saturdays or Sundays. That creates an obvious inconvenience for everybody.

The reason for this game being on a Friday was finding a desirable slot for national TV. But then, even after the move to Friday, the game still didn’t land on ESPN. I like Fox Sports One a lot (usually check in at least once a day), but I understand it’s watched by an audience like one-tenth the size of ESPN’s. So we move the game to a time slot that nobody associates with college football nationally and is a pain in the ass for everyone locally, because of a better TV deal even though nobody will be watching on TV because it’s not on ESPN? Got it.

(In addition, all Dish customers might have the RMS and other games blacked out due to a dispute between Dish and FS1.)

Also, the parking lots don’t even open until 3 p.m. THREE IN THE AFTERNOON! What the hell is that? I was planning on setting up our tailgate at 10 a.m.

Stud(s) of the week:

Jim McElwain and whoever is producing these online “episodes.” They’re surprisingly well done and serve as some pump-up fuel for Friday.

Hey here’s another very important video:

And finally, let’s all sing along with Fum:

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See y’all in the parking lots on Friday. And then in this space next week.

PLEASE NOTE: With the holiday weekend, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to churn one of these out by next Tuesday. I may take the route of my neighborhood trash guys and push it out a day. If you don’t see a post on Tuesday, there will be one Wednesday.

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Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

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Your Weekly Roundup From the Sports World and Internet

Welcome to the 73rd edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we have reached our last post before we can dive into some actual, real-life football. Let’s get into it…

(Aaron Ontiveroz/Denver Post)

I was privileged enough to attend Todd Helton’s number retirement Sunday at Coors. It was pretty great.

Brad Hawpe and Matt Belisle each made a short speech. I was impressed with Belisle, who spoke very comfortably, funny, and naturally. But it was Helton’s 11-year-old daughter Tierney Faith that garnered the most laughs and applause with her, “My daddy’s been home A LOT… Do you want him back?” The crowd roared.

Todd made a nice speech and kept it short. I don’t think public speaking to a crowd of 42,000 people is his favorite thing, which isn’t much of a surprise.

Both Monfort brothers were on the field, but seemed conscious enough to stay out of the way for the most part. Neither spoke. So that was good.

The Rockies don’t get much right between the white lines, but they’ve handled all of the Helton retirement stuff really well, right down to that horse in the header of this blog.

As you should know, Todd is my favorite athlete ever. so I thought the proceedings were pretty special. But damn, seeing Todd Helton out there in that suit made me wish I was a kid again slamming Squishies and watching 17 at first base instead of gearing up for five days and 40 hours of work I don’t really care about.

Anyway, here’s the farewell video to fans that was played before Todd spoke. Goosebumps.

If you need something to do while I’m over in the corner pretending not to cry, here are some GIFs of the ceremonies:

 

 

(I’m not sure why those aren’t looping like normal GIFs, but whatever.)

Hey while we’re at it, check out a crazy, crazy Helton stat I came across on Sunday:

And one more  to spark a little Hall Of Fame debate:

Off to the weekly departments…

Stud(s) of the week:

This kid is named Blake Money. Oh look, he has three siblings. Oh look, one of his siblings is named Cash. That means his name is Cash Money. That’s a cool name.

I wonder if that’s real. You’d think Cash Money would be in the crowd supporting Blake, right? Oh… He was there, all right. He was freaking there. And he is Cash Money.

Cash Money is a stud. The Money parents are studs.

The LLWS gave us one more stud. I love this coach’s talk to his players after his team was eliminated last night:

Douche of the week:

Vine of the week:

This one is better without the sound, but the guy’s face at the end cracks me up.

Tweet of the week:

I have no idea what any of this means, but it makes for a pretty great Tweet:

A couple links worth sharing:

The picture of the week is actually Nike advertisement featuring CSU’s own Becky Hammon, who, of course, is about to be the first woman to coach full-time in the NBA:

Nike

Some other stuff the internet had to offer from the past week:

Before you talk about how stupid the Ice Bucket Challenge is, watch this:

Speaking of the Ice Bucket thing, these people didn’t do very good. Some of these are stupid, some are intentional, but some are pretty damn funny:

And finally, here’s a minor league manager going absolutely nuts. Thanks, man!

Happy Tuesday everybody. Don’t forget the Simpsons marathon (Every episode ever in succession) starts on Thursday on FXX. Clear out the DVR. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

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Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

What Might Jack Graham’s Firing Mean for CSU?

Welcome to the 72nd edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we suddenly have a lot to discuss. Let’s get into it…

Jack Graham and Tony Frank have differences. They didn’t used to. But now they do. That’s not very cool. (Helen H. Richardson, The Denver Post)

I received an email Friday afternoon that I wasn’t expecting. Q-Doba announced that their Queso Diablo is back for good! Pretty awesome news! Shortly thereafter I received another email I wasn’t expecting. It was a statement to various Colorado State fans from university president Tony Frank. Vague and nondescript, the statement blindsided me and thousands of other Rams fans. The first sentence of Frank’s statement said it all: “I have elected to terminate Jack Graham’s employment as athletic director.”

My reaction was something along the lines of, “Ummm… What?” This made no sense. Graham had hired three coaches. All three are considered successes. He raised the bar throughout the athletic department. He demanded excellence. He wasn’t about to accept mediocrity. In short, Jack Graham wasn’t f—ing around.

So what could it be then? Why would he be the victim of a sudden firing?

Well, there is that minor issue regarding the on-campus stadium.

It’s been clear to me since Day One that Graham was hired by Frank for one reason above all others:  Get us a damn stadium on campus. Figure out a way to make it happen. In Frank’s termination statement he said “In addition, this is in no way connected to the on-campus stadium project.” The response to that sentence was a unanimous eye roll and a “Surrrrree it isn’t, Tony.”

As I continued to analyze the news and try to put the pieces together, I found myself becoming increasingly disappointed and angry pissed off. By the time I started drinking beer with my friends I was what some might refer to as “distraught.” The sky is falling. It’s all over. CSU athletics are toast.

For someone who supports CSU athletics as much as I do, the thought of giving up on a new stadium and joining an FCS conference within five years is not a pleasant one. (The original title of this post was “Jack Graham Got Fired and Now We’re All Screwed”.)

How did I come to such an extreme reaction? To understand why I’m not crazy, we have to consider the recent vote by the NCAA board regarding the “Power Five” conferences. The vote will essentially will allow members of the five richest and most powerful conferences to make their own rules. Among other things, this will likely lead to the players in these conferences earning a stipend. Some people (including me) think these conferences will eventually break away from the NCAA and form their own “league.” If you’re not in one of those conferences, you will not be able to compete financially– and thus, athletically– with those schools. There will be a huge gap between the “Haves” and “Have-Nots.” CSU is not in one of those conferences. They will be a “Have-Not” or one of “The Leftovers.”

I do; however, think there will be more conference realignment in the next few years. The current members of the Power Five will not be the only schools included when many of these dramatic changes take place. Colorado State needed to make the necessary moves to join a power conference (or turn the Power Five into the Power Six with the Mountain West). This is a big reason a new stadium and a successful football program are imperative to the future of CSU athletics. Tony Frank and Jack Graham seemed to understand this. The renewed commitment to athletics was eye-opening for all of us.

Now it seems like Frank pulled the plug on that whole operation, which brings us back to my Friday night distraught-ness. Here was my thought process:

  • No Jack Graham likely means no stadium. This is not necessarily an overreaction. Like I mentioned earlier, I believe the stadium was the number one reason Frank hired Graham in the first place. Getting rid of Graham could well mean abandoning that vision, regardless of the lip service Frank is giving the stadium now.
  • No stadium means no commitment to athletics. When I say commitment, I mean an all-in commitment. Do the damn thing… or don’t. Freaking go for it… or sit back and be content with mediocrity.
  • No commitment to athletics means no inclusion in a power conference.
  • No inclusion in a power conference means the end of athletics at CSU as we know them.

Seems like pretty sound reasoning to me. See ya later, Rams. We’re all screwed.

But then something happened Monday morning that just confused the hell out of me. Colorado State confirmed reports that three of the four revenue sports had agreed to contract extensions with their respective coaches. All of the deals were worked out by both Graham and Frank shortly before Graham’s firing. How weird is that?

The most notable news here comes from, of course, the football program. Jim McElwain, who everybody everywhere agrees is the right man for the job, signed an extension to keep him in Fort Collins through at least the 2018 season. The extension included a bump in pay to a $1.5 million salary, making him the highest paid coach in the Mountain West. More importantly, the new contract includes a buyout of $7.5 million, which is absurd. Indeed, if McElwain wants to leave Colorado State for another coaching job, he (or the school hiring him) would be forced to pay CSU 5-times his annual salary, though that number will slowly decrease.

That’s crazy. That can’t be understated. Every coach ever says the same garbage about their current situation being a “dream job” and a “destination.” Then they bounce as soon as they find a situation that is of greater benefit to their bank account. Tim Miles seemed to love CSU, didn’t he? He did until a bigger school in a bigger conference offered him more money.

Anyway, it would appear that the Rams don’t need to worry about McElwain stepping off of the CSU stone to a different program. At least not for another five or six seasons. McElwain must be genuine when he says he loves Fort Collins and Colorado State, because he’s not going anywhere.

BUT WHY IN THE HELL WOULD HE AGREE TO THAT IMMEDIATELY BEFORE GRAHAM GETS FIRED AND THE STADIUM PLAN DIES AND THE COMMITMENT TO ATHLETICS IS NO MORE?!

I have absolutely no idea. Maybe… Could it be… Is it possible… That the stadium proposal actually isn’t dead? There’s not a doubt in my mind that a crucial part of Graham’s original pitch to McElwain included selling him on the idea of a new stadium. Might that renewed commitment to athletics be alive and well?

Hell if I know. Giving the three of the most important people in your athletic department raises and contract extensions with significant buyouts sure seems like a commitment to me.

Obviously, regardless of what McElwain’s contract says, there remains the issue of raising sufficient private funds to support the stadium. In this interview with Susie Wargin, Graham admitted that the stadium matters were the reason for his firing, but insisted that reports of the shortfall in fundraising were greatly exaggerated:

“The principal difference that existed between the two of us were matters pertaining to the stadium. 110 million dollars was the public goal. Starting as late as 2012, the goal that was given to me was 75 million dollars and the goal was that we would find ways and sources to fund to cover the balance through 125 million dollars of debt and the reinvestment of 30 million dollars from Hughes… Representations that the capital campaigns or any part of the stadium project are not succeeding, I have to reject those completely. We were making phenomenal progress at every level. The design of the stadium, the capital campaign initiatives, we were there on the doorstep of success.”

Graham has maintained this everything-is-fine demeanor regarding fundraising throughout his tenure. We’re now left wondering if this was a little bit delusional. Apparently, Frank does not think everything is fine. But McElwain does? Or McElwain does not, but he’s cool to stick around anyway? Or Graham is honest and correct about the money and Frank removed him completely for other reasons?

Something doesn’t really add up.

Screaming that THE END IS NEAR! (which was my strategy) or that EVERYTHING IS AWESOME! is more fun than practicing patience and nuance, but maybe it’s best to let some dust settle before we jump to any conclusions. Because I have no idea what is going on.

Two and a half years ago Jack Graham blew through the CSU doors with a fat wallet, big ol’ brass balls and an audacious vision. Friday afternoon, he was kicked out of those same doors with nary a whimper. Nobody saw it coming. It would appear not many know the reason.

Maybe Tony Frank still has that same bold vision. Or maybe he’s pulling the plug on the whole athletics operation and we actually are completely screwed.

One thing that I am sure of:  This has been an awful lot to digest.

More information will surface in the coming weeks and months and when it does, we’ll better understand what is really going on.

And I’ll know whether or not we should all be distraught.

Okay… Let’s move on to a couple of the weekly departments:

Stud of the week:

I think you’ll be hearing quite a bit about Mo’Ne Davis in the coming week. She threw a complete game shutout to send her team to the Little League World Series. She is awesome.

Pretty nasty curveball here:

And here’s a cool write-up on Davis from Grantland.

Vine of the week:

Check out this catch:

A couple links worth sharing:

Some other stuff the internet had to offer from the past week:

We had a couple great news videos last week. We have two more equally awesome ones this week.

This is another of my favorites of all time. Obviously, the 25 second mark is what makes this so amazing, but the whole video is actually pretty great. James makes some good points.

Ahhh ahahahaha there’s literally a dude right there! Just passed out right next to the interview! Unbelievable in every way:

Just amazing.

Then, of course there was this guy, who was equally hilarious, but in a very different way:

This also made me laugh harder than I’d like to admit:

Jason Sudeikis is probably the most underrated comic actor in America:

And finally, there’s this:

Personally, I think they could put forth a little more effort with these. This one feels forced and not that funny.

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

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Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

Dee Hart Transfers and Your Weekly Roundup

Welcome to the 71st edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we’re officially in the dog days of summer. That usually means there’s not much to talk about. But the internet provided plenty of material this week. Let’s get into it…

Dee Hart is now a Ram. (USATSI)

We’re jumping right into the weekly departments after a few words on someone I’m hoping is a future Stud of the Week.

Colorado State football just made an interesting move that could potentially change their 2014 (that’s the upcoming one!) season dramatically. Yeah, I’m talking a little college football. We’re getting close.

Colorado State needs a running back. Kapri Bibbs left with two years of eligibility remaining to try to make an NFL roster. Donnell Alexander, who is also pretty damn good, transferred to Akron in a strange story that seemed to involve his family clashing with the coaches. (Or something like that.) So the Rams didn’t really have anyone to tote the rock this year. They might have found one.

It was announced this week that Alabama running back Dee Hart is transferring to CSU and will be eligible to play immediately, since he already has his degree from ‘Bama. Hart is a former 5-star recruit from Orlando, who didn’t find much playing time with the Tide after tearing his ACL in his sophomore year and re-injuring it on a punt return a year later.

This could turn out to be a huge move. Garrett Grayson has turned into a stud at quarterback and the receiving corps figures to be the deepest and most talented we’ve seen in years. Having a capable running back can provide some important balance.

Now, I’m not saying the Rams have found the next Kapri Bibbs or anything, but I do think this could prove to be an important pick-up. If Hart can earn the starting job and just be a solid player, the Rams would all of the sudden be set at all of the offensive skill positions. A couple hundred carries for 800 or so yards and 12 touchdowns would go a long way for this team.

Nobody knows if this move will even work out for the kid, but if it does, it could be one that changes the landscape of the Mountain West.

So that would be cool.

I hope to have some sort of Colorado State football preview in the next few weeks to break things down a bit more. PINS AND NEEDLES, AMIRITE?!

Stud(s) of the week:

Last week was full of crap and sad/annoying stories. We’re taking the opposite approach this week, with 5 different studs. Yay!

Speaking of Alabama football, all of their fans are freaks. But I love this video so much that these people all get a nod for their studliness.

Here’s the scenario: Fans line up with a chance to get an autograph from Nick Saban (who all of these hillbillies absolutely worship), but there’s only a limited amount of time (or something, I honestly don’t care to know the specifics) so they all hit the field at Bryant-Denny and really have to hustle to ensure their spot in line.

They do it every year. This is the first I’ve heard of it. And I fell in love before I even watched the video because it was introduced to me as “The Running of the Gumps”, which makes me laugh hysterically every time I hear it. THE RUNNING OF THE GUMPS!

All hail THE RUNNING OF THE GUMPS:

Okay…

Oooookayyyyy….

Okay. I wasn’t planning on doing this, but I need to break this down a little further. We gon peple wutchin’ n Tuscaloosa!

umbrella

Determined GUMPS are prepared for the rain; or possibly wanting Nick Saban to sign a blue and white umbrella.

trash bag

“Sir, Nick Saban will not sign a trash bag full of human heads. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

smile

Whassup baby?

mustache

Not enough old dudes with mustaches tuck their Alabama football T-shirts into black shorts.

3 fat people

The emotions vary greatly during THE RUNNING OF THE GUMPS.

old couple

I bet this lady runs the 40 in 10.6 seconds flat in those kicks.

heisman

Ten bucks says this dude tried to talk Saban into giving him a tryout.

bama

Saban will be really confused when this guy asks him to sign a giant painting of his four cats. Wait, no he won’t.

more fat people

These people are cheating. You are supposed to run, GUMPS!

4 losers

I think this was the part of the video when I stopped and thought, “Seriously, WHAT IN THE HELL is going on?”

sign guy

Your RUNNING OF THE GUMPS MVP

I just don’t understand how all of these people got off work on a Monday (haha). But seriously, can someone remind me to never go to the state of Alabama?

And to wrap this little segment up… An Auburn fan gave this whole scene a different soundtrack.

ROLLGUMPS!

THE RUNNING OF THE GUMPS is my new favorite holiday.

The Ray Rice story is still horrible, but the news producer who screwed this up gets some studly props. Perhaps my favorite news blooper of the year.

I also give props to the male anchor for making that face and casually pointing towards the screen he’s watching like Hmmmm….. I uhh…. I don’t think that’s the right video. Yeah. Yeah, that appears to be a fight between an old guy in a sweat suit and a guy in a spiderman costume. Definitely not Ray Rice. Right? Yep.

Absolutely hysterical.

More news bloops: Louis Slungpue: Absolute stud.

I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old sometimes, so getting the phrase “took a really large dump” on the news is hero-level stuff.

Shifting gears to a more traditional stud, you ought to know I loves me some Vin Scully. So the announcement that he was returning for his 66th season (think about that) was a pretty awesome moment, even if all those Dodgers flags make me want to projectile on my laptop.

Well done and creative job by the Dodgers with this announcement as well. Vin is just an American treasure.

And this week’s true Stud Of The Week is Jim Kelly. Watch this SC Featured that takes an intimate look at his battle with cancer. ESPN is so good at this kind of thing. I can’t embed this one, but it’s available here. NBC also aired a powerful video on Sunday night during some stupid preseason game. It’s available here. They’re both worth your time.

Douche of the week:

I can’t think of anyone else, so we’ll go with Dick Monfort again, because why not?

Vine of the week:

Pretty sweet catch. (Kind of.)

Picture of the week:

This is what it looks like when 29 sumo wrestlers are all on the same flight.

A couple links worth sharing:

And finally, just look at this freaking catch from last night:

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GIF: Ezequiel Carrera's diving catch in slow motion, fantastic shot from ESPN

@cjzero

Play of the year in 2014.

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. Enjoy your preseason football. See ya next week.

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