Welcome to the 95th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we always hand it off from the one. Let’s get into it…
I’ll start with some thoughts on the last football game we’ll see in a long time because it was a fun one. Going into the game, I was kind of rooting for the Seahawks as the lesser of two evils. During the game, I found myself not caring at all who won because both teams are so easy to hate. But instead of grimacing during either teams’ successes, I focused on enjoying the mistakes and failures that flowed throughout the game. Someone had to lose, and that meant at various points of the game I would be able to point at the TV and laugh and say things like HAHA I DON’T LIKE THAT FOOTBALL PLAYER AND HE JUST PERFORMED POORLY!
Here are a few of my personal highlights and low-lights:
HIGH: Tom Brady throws an absolutely hilarious, terrible first-quarter interception right to a defender standing by himself at the goal line. It looked like Tom was trying to turn it over. It was awesome. This is probably my favorite moment of the entire game.
LOW: Awww man, now the Seahawks defense gets to strut around and brag like they actually had something to do with that gift.
HIGH: The vaunted Seahawks secondary and “Legion of Boom” is nowhere to be found during the fourth quarter. They are unable to hold on to a 10 point lead late in the game. It’s pretty nice to see them get some comeuppance! That oughta shut ’em up for a while.
LOW: Awww man, Tom Brady just played like the best quarterback of all time. We don’t like him so that’s not cool! In the fourth quarter Brady went 13-15 for 124 yards and two touchdowns. On the drive that led to the go-ahead score, he went 8-8. Now I’m forced to give Tom Brady all the credit in the world, because he deserves every bit of it after that performance.
HIGH: The Patriots defense gives up a long pass to Jermaine Kearse to set the Seahawks up with a golden opportunity to score the go-ahead touchdown. This happens even though New England had perfect coverage on Kearse. At this point it seems like the Patriots are going to somehow lose a Super Bowl they shouldn’t lose in a game when they were the better team. That’s tremendous news! For all of the Patriots’ cheating, smugness, inaccurate injury reports, and obnoxious fans, this really feels like something they deserved. They STILL haven’t won a Super Bowl in more than a decade!
LOW: Awww man, now the Seahawks are going to win a Super Bowl they don’t even deserve to win. We’re going to be stuck with dynasty talk and watching their cocky, narcissistic players have the right to act like they’re the best in the world. They should have never won that game against the Packers and they shouldn’t win this one either. But they’re going to. They are the luckiest damn team I’ve ever seen.
HIGH: In between gum chomps, Pete Carroll makes the worst play call in the history of football.
One thing I haven’t heard on this: Why did they throw the ball in that situation when they have Marshawn Lynch in the backfield? Wilson’s pass was intercepted, so I don’t think they should have done that. Just my take.
LOW: Awww man, that elicited this joyous, childlike (and absolutely awesome) reaction from Tom Brady.
So yeah, overall it was an incredibly dramatic, fun, awesome Super Bowl. It’s too bad the Patriots won, but focusing on the Seahawks losing makes everything tolerable.
On another note, I’m also surprised by the lack of run (fitting word choice) the media are giving the fight that came after the game-clinching interception. The reaction isn’t a huge surprise coming from the Seahawks, whose defense never pretends to be the classiest bunch, but I think it deserves more attention than it’s getting.
I mean, the most-watched Super Bowl in history ended with several simultaneous fights breaking out. A borderline brawl! That’s pretty awesome! After an entire season of public relations nightmares for the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, it was a fitting end. Fitting fighting. I just wish more people were talking about it, because the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE just ended an oftentimes disastrous season on a hilarious note.
Let’s move on to the weekly departments…
Stud of the week:
As crazy as the Super Bowl was, the best part of the day came during halftime because of the sharks that danced around with Katy Perry. The smiley face beach balls are cool. The happy trees and bopping surf boards provide a nice backdrop. But it is all about those sharks. These guys are so awesome.
Now, you’ll notice in the Vine above that the shark on the right has some crisp dance moves. A real pro. However, the shark on the left, whom the internet has since dubbed Left Shark, doesn’t really seem to know what’s going on. Or he doesn’t care. Or he’s drunk. Whatever. He’s the best. Deep down, we all have a little Left Shark in us.
I’ve watched that like 100 times. This Vine is pretty awesome too. It looks like Left Shark is a little more on top of this portion of the dance.
In regards to the non-dancing-shark portions of the halftime show, I thought most of it was fine but was absolutely baffled by the surprise appearance of Missy Elliot. How odd was that? Her last hit must have been at least ten years ago and her music has absolutely nothing to do with Katy Perry. So strange. This concludes my non-dancing-shark halftime show analysis.
Douche of the week:
Me! I’m a douche! Last week I picked 12 fairly random prop bets that I felt good about and analyzed what made them good bets. Please note that I also advised you not to actually take my advice so I hope you took my advice of not actually taking my advice. Things went poorly! So let’s pretend I put 100 bucks on each bet. I started with $1,200, how much would I end up with?
- I felt pretty confident in my research regarding the National Anthem length. That research led me astray. Menzel went over. I’m down to $1,100.
- Menzel did not screw up the words to the National Anthem. So I won this one, but it wasn’t much of a gamble, so my $100 risk only won me $12.50. Current total: $1112.50
- I knew Katy Perry would come out in a skirt. This one was easy. Again, this was the favored result, so I only won 80 bucks. Current total: $1192.50
- Al and Chris only said “deflate” twice! They only mentioned it in one conversation! What the hell kind of world are we living in? I had the over, they went under. Current total $1092.50
- I felt very confident Belichick would come out with his stupid looking hoodie with cut-off sleeves. I was wrong. The sleeves were intact. Current total: $992.50
- I knew Belichick would wear a BLUE hoodie but decided to gamble on RED because I’m stupid. Current total: $892.50
- Russell Wilson vs. the price of gas… Russell threw for 247 yards. The average price of gas Monday was $2.06. Russell wins big. I continue to lose. Current total: $792.50
- I had a hunch the Patriots would win big; the Patriots won small. My “Margin of Victory” bet wasn’t close. Current total $692.50
- Tom Brady threw for 328 yards. Way more than Wilson. I got one right! Current total $792.50.
- Neither team had a safety. There goes a hundred bucks. Current total: $692.50
- Neither team attempted a 2-point conversion. There goes a hundred more bucks. $592.50
- Only one field goal was kicked in the whole game. It was a 27-yarder, which is longer than 24 1/2 yards, so I win another one. Current total $692.50
So had I been in Las Vegas with an extra $1,200 to spend solely on prop bets I would have lost just over 500 of those dollars. Gambling is not a wise investment. This is why I’ve vowed to never return to Las Vegas.
Tweet of the week:
We go back to the halftime show for a pretty decent joke about Katy Perry’s wardrobe. (For my older readers, that’s Will Ferrell in “Blades of Glory”.)
Photo of the week:
The best picture from Sunday was this one of Richard Sherman and Tom Brady as the game concluded. Just an awesome piece of sports photography.
Vine of the week:
This is one of the great Vines of all time, combining a classic Simpsons moment with Richard Sherman’s over-the-top reaction to that infamous interception.
Pure perfection. Look how similar Sherman’s face is to Ralph’s!
(For the record, Lisa was a little too rough on Ralph back in the day.)
Some other stuff from around the internet:
This piece on Amy Van Dyken is worth your time. She is such a badass.
Montrezl Harrell of Louisville might have had the dunk of the year in college basketball on Saturday.
Trevor Lacy of North Carolina State had a pretty awesome game-winner.
The 16th hole at the Waste Management Phoenix Open is played in a stadium setting in front of a loud, rowdy crowd. It’s unlike anything else in golf. So, when Francesco Molinari nailed a hole-in-one, some fun things happened. (Wait for the beer-throws at the 1:00 mark.) So damn fun.
This bizarre commercial aired during the Super Bowl in Saint Louis. Check it out! It’s an upbeat song about dying young of a heroin overdose.
And finally, if you haven’t seen this yet, stop what you’re doing and watch it immediately. Gronk and Lynch are hilarious. Conan is the best.
Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.
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