Welcome to the 77th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we’ve offically entered the last week of summer. That’s depressing. But it means lots of football in the coming weeks, which is not depressing. Let’s get into it…
I’ll start with a few quick takeaways from the Broncos win over the Chiefs. The Denver Broncos won again. And people are upset again. I am still not one of them. In the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! I am completely on board with the “win is a win” mentality.
Take a look around the league. Plenty of other good teams with Super Bowl expectations are not 2-0. The Patriots lost to the Dolphins. The Seahawks lost to a decent San Diego team. The 49ers choked away a big 2nd-half lead at home. The freaking Saints are 0-2. Bad losses happen in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!. If the Broncos had dropped either of these games we might have some– SOME– cause for concern. But they didn’t.
Being a Broncos fan is really fun these days. They look like the best team in the AFC and they’re 2-0 and everybody is still finding stuff to be unhappy about. That’s pretty awesome when you think about it.
I said this last week, but all the Broncos need to do is keep piling up the ‘dubyas. I realize I would get a lot more reaction and readership if I yelled at you that THE BRONCOS ARE IN TROUBLE AND LOOK LIKE CRAP AND WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE DEFENSE NO WAIT WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE OFFENSE THEY’VE BARELY EVEN BEATEN TWO TEAMS THAT WENT A COMBINED 22-10 LAST YEAR THAT’S HORRIBLE. But I’m just a little more levelheaded than that. This team is fine. My outlook is pretty boring. It’s also true.
Keep in mind that if the Broncos recover the onside kick against the Colts, which they should have, that doesn’t turn into a one-possession game. And of course, if the Broncos don’t repeatedly shoot themselves in the foot with silly 4th-quarter penalties and catch a bad-break on an Alex Smith tuck-rule replay, they also win Sunday’s game pretty comfortably.
Von Miller is coming off an ACL injury. That’s not a particularly easy thing to do. He’s going to get better as the season progresses and that will help the defense a great deal. Wes Welker will be back this week which will improve the offense, especially on third downs.
The Broncos are going to the playoffs. That’s when things get interesting. Because I just can’t get all that worked up about the regular season. Especially when the Broncos are scoring more points than their opponents.
Speaking of winning games, I can’t imagine the Broncos will do so Sunday in Seattle, during what should be a fun afternoon. A Broncos win would be a huge statement to the rest of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!, but really I’m just looking to see if the Broncos can keep it close and stay competitive. A loss to the Seahawks in Seattle doesn’t break your season, but getting blown out… something like a score of… I don’t know… 43-8… You would have to think that would do some damage to the Broncos’ mental makeup over the course of this season.
But I think it will be an entertaining game. The Broncos lose a fairly close one. And I’ll be banging the “Everything-Is-Fine” drum in a week.
And hey did you see Peyton Manning being a real cry-baby jerk* when he was yelling at Orange Julius?
*Just kiddin’. This is what leaders (and all good, competitive quarterbacks) do. It’s part of sports. And sports are fun!
Off to the weekly departments…
Douche(s) of the week:
Seahawks fans are the absolute worst. There is no longer any doubt who is the most insufferable fan base in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!. It’s not the Raiders or Steelers or Patriots or even the Jaguars.
- Seahawks fans insist on calling themselves the 12th man, even though that is a blatant rip-off of Texas A&M, who has been using and embracing the term since 1922.
- They’re more proud of having the so-called “loudest stadium in the league” than anything else in their lives (except maybe Seattle’s soccer team). I think all stadiums are pretty loud when the home team is good, you no-life losers. Get over yourselves and give it a rest.
- Some of them wanted to erect a statue of Richard Sherman, which is a really stupid thing to want to do.
- They were nowhere to be found just a few short years ago when the Seahawks were an average (or bad) team. This whole mantra is brand new. And in a few years after they have to pay Russell Wilson and the makeup of their roster has completely changed and they’re no longer Super Bowl champions, they’ll be nowhere to be found once more.
Oh, and Richard Sherman is also a huge douche and the most self-absorbed player in the league.
(Unrelated: Jonathan Paplebon is still a douche as well.)
Stud(s) of the week:
So RayRiceRogerGoddellAdrianPeterson and the entire National Football League! should probably have the previous, “douche” distinction because they’re all horrible. And yes, there seems to be a new story every day that makes me want to abandon all of professional football. But I won’t. And neither will you. And I’ve come to terms with that because it’s important to remember the people in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! who are not horrible. You know, the vast majority of people affiliated with or employed by the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! who are upstanding citizens and good people.
It’s okay to still watch and root for them.
Tweet of the week:
Pretty funny. You should follow Eric Stangel.
Vine(s) of the week:
This one might take you a while, but is pretty awesome once you see it. I’ve watched this a few dozen times and have no explanation as to why he is doing that.
(Update: This Vine has absolutely exploded in the past 12 hours or so– 13 million loops!– and the coach has since offered an explanation. They were pretty much just messing around, which is awesome.)
And I can’t tell if this guy is doing some really mean trash talk or is simply a very caring person.
No… No, he’s just being a dick. Pretty awesome. (Hat tip to Dunks for sending that one over.)
Some other stuff the internet had to offer from the past week:
This GIF just cracks me the hell up:
I absolutely love the mid-dance beer swig. Doesn’t miss a beat!
This is not how you’re supposed to do it:
Some really good pass defense here:
These two Miss America contestants have some interesting and potentially completely made up factoids about themselves:
A couple links worth sharing from the past week:
- “The Rockies look like a team hitting bottom without a plan for how to climb back up.” from Sports Illustrated’s Rockies’ year-in-review.
- This awesome high school senior wants his yearbook picture to feature a cat and some lasers because he’s awesome. The school won’t let him because it is not awesome.
- My favorite person on the internet was profiled in Slate yesterday. PFTCommenter, the anonymous, satirical, parody of a Twitter account and writer is so hard for me to explain to other people so I’m glad somebody else is writing about how awesome he is. (Grantland also wrote about him a few months back.)
And finally, this guy knows exactly what to do when some douchey frat douches start acting like douches and beating the crap out of a fellow douche.
Facial expression just kills me.
Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See y’all next week.
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