Welcome to this week’s Tuesdays With Mitch, where I am apparently clothed in immense power. I have all kinds of stuff for you this week. Let’s jump in.
Last week I made what I thought was a pretty compelling case on why Troy Tulowitzki was the best player in baseball. Two days later he broke his rib diving for a ball because that’s the kind of thing he does. Sorry for the jinx Rox fans. Now I know better.
At this point I’m worried that Tulowitzki’s career, one that could have potentially been defined by championships and MVP trophies, will instead be remembered as short glimpses of greatness that were perennially marred by injuries and health issues. Here’s to a speedy recovery for Tulo and picking up where he left off upon his return.
Anyway, it’s hard to see the Rockies remaining relevant for much longer. Tulo was the heartbeat of the offense and defense and losing him will be hard to replace. Monday night the Rockies went 0-8 with runners in scoring position and were shut out in Toronto in what was the first instance of missing his bat in the lineup.
Speaking of Toronto, the Rockies started a 9-game road trip Monday with stops north of the border and Washington DC and Boston. From the outset, this looks like it has the potential to be a season-changing disaster. Going 5-4 should be the goal, but I would take 4-5 all day long.
The old-timers brawl between the Diamondbacks and Dodgers was one of the craziest damn things I’ve ever seen. Look at freaking Don Mattingly (52) slam down Allan Trammell (55).
That’s funny because those dudes are old. Also they are not players. You also had Mark McGwire (49), Matt Williams (47) and Kirk Gibson (56) going at it in some form or another. Call me crazy, but I could watch 1980s all stars brawl in 2013 every day.
So that got me thinking… When was the last time the Rockies were in a brawl? The last one I could find was against the Dodgers in 2008 when Yorvit Torrealba tagged out Matt Kemp at home plate and things got real. From what I remember, that was fairly underwhelming as far as brawls go.
I find it kind of strange that the Rockies haven’t been in a brawl in five years and now I’d like to see one this year.
My power rankings for which Rockie you don’t want to screw with:
3. Rex Brothers. I’m not about to charge the mound on large, left-handed closer who throws 98. Also his name is Rex Brothers. I’m not about to the charge the mound on someone named Rex Brothers.
2. Wilin Rosario. You have to have the catcher high on this list because if you’re team is in the field when shit goes down, the catcher is going to be involved. Rosario runs pretty well, so if he had to chase down a batter going after, say Jorge De La Rosa (who would land awfully low on this list), he could probably get there in time, which can be crucial. Rosario is pretty intense and maybe the strongest dude on the team.
1. A healthy Michael Cuddyer. Cuddy seems to love and respect the game more than any Rockie. If someone threw at one of his pitcher’s heads and was out of line in doing so (like Ian Kennedy at Zack Grienke in the aforementioned brawl) I could see Cuddyer going nuts. He’s also pretty stacked.
All of this also led me to this news video which is pretty cool.
Look at freaking Vinny’s mullet at the 0:33 mark! If you’re wondering, I’ve determined that is from June 16, 1993. Reading this write-up is pretty fun.
I was recently depantsed at a concert at Red Rocks, except it was a successful depantsing in that everything came down to my ankles. I’d like to tell you I played it super cool and confident and nonchalant, but I’ll tell ya, that is one startling feeling. If it wasn’t dark out I may have been charged with involuntary indecent exposure.
Whoever made this video had me laughing.
There’s too many lines for me to even try to pick one to quote. Well done, chap.
I can’t figure out how to embed a Vine yet so just click this link and watch a presumably drunk Mets fan fall down like 3 rows of seats.
This was a cool moment. Yeah the goal in triple overtime of the Stanley Cup Finals was okay, but I’m really talking about the interview that starts at the 2 minute mark.
That’s funny because he said a bad word on national television.
Some quality production value in this one about the man who taught LeBron how to flop:
This is how you go after a foul ball…
…even if it is already rolling back onto the stairs as you leave the ground. Dude’s hands are like six feet away from the ball.
Still not as good as this classic:
I personally believe that slow “ding” is an unsuccessful attempt to get her to PLEASE. STOP. TALKING.
Those two videos are funny because they show really hot girls saying really dumb things that don’t make any sense.
Chris Berman commentating golf is the worst idea anyone has ever had, but I don’t have any jokes better than these. Seriously though, Berman’s time has come and gone. I don’t enjoy listening to him on any platform. He makes the Home Run Derby even more unwwatchable than it already is. His NFL highlight shtick was cute ten years ago. The dude has run his course. But listening to him call golf is just a nightmare.
Speaking of which, my favorite call from Jim Rome’s smackoff on Friday was second place finisher Steve Carbone. It’s worth listening to if you’re ever in The Jungle, which I am daily. (It Gets good at the 2:50 mark when he tears apart ESPN).
And finally, Here’s a nonsports link. A really, really awesome gallery of various graduations.
Happy Tuesday everybody, see ya next week.
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