Welcome to the 37th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we’re still having nightmares after seeing what is usually a simple bodily function…
via @bubbaprog
The Broncos won a big game on the road against a mediocre-ish, decent, maybe good team. But really, who cares? Look at Knowshon Moreno’s tear ducts. Look at them! Don’t look away. Watch. And watch. And watch.
It is all at once gorgeous and gross. Hypnotizing and horrifying.
That awful little scene sparked up quite the conversation on social media during Sunday’s big game. Afterwards, reporters interviewed him about it and teammates commented on it. Turns out, it happened during the national anthem. Moreno is an emotional guy. That’s all great. Except…
HUMANS DO NOT CRY LIKE THAT! What is that? We start with his head down and everything is normal. Then he slowly starts to pick his head up while simultaneously opening his eyes. This is when things get weirdly compelling. While his left eye remains unmoved by the proceedings, Moreno’s insides decide now is a good time to turn on the fire hydrant behind his right eye.
Look at that! Just a strong stream of fluid dumping right out of the middle of his eye. Where did all that come from? He didn’t even blink! His eye just remains open and without warning KABOOM! the Hoover Dam breaks inside half of Moreno’s face. That downpour of tear juice doesn’t even run down his cheek, it just heads directly towards the earth, far too ferocious for facial friction.
Then, after his right shoe is sufficiently soaked and standing in a predominant puddle, ol’ lefty decides to join in on the fun and it projectile vomits an equally impressive stream.
I just don’t understand what we all witnessed. Regular human beings become emotional like that and they “get a little misty-eyed” or “choked up” or “blink back a couple tears”. Moreno’s version of “getting emotional” involves irrigating the turf at Arrowhead through his eye sockets.
Could you imagine– and I’m actually being serious about this– could you imagine him sobbing uncontrollably? What happens when Knowhon Moreno reacts to true tragedy? I can not imagine that. I literally am unable to picture in my head the scene that would take place.
And just because we’re all not creeped out enough, here’s Moreno “getting a little emotional” in reverse. Why not?
via @worldofisaac
And while we we’re at it, I hate sack dances and first down dances. But in a GIF that is not vomit-inducing nightmare fuel, Moreno provides a little celebration that I found both bad ass and hilarious after dragging about six Chiefs a few yards.
via @cjzero
Before the weekly segments, I also have to show you the greatest college football ending in history, even though you’ve probably already seen and heard it. Watch it again.
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I love college football, and I don’t care about Auburn or Alabama one way or the other. Still, I get goosebumps every time I watch that, which has been plenty. Sports are cool.
I can’t get to it all, so here’s a write-up from the Coloradoan about Colorado State’s dominating win over Air Force. It was 58-0 in the third quarter and the Rams should go bowling.
Stud of the week: Eric Decker. Pretty easy choice here, but I’m going with Decker because for some reason people just love to bash the guy. He has a hot, pseudo-celebrity wife. I’m told they have some sort of awful reality show that you couldn’t pay me to watch. Every girl I’ve ever talked to thinks he’s gorgeous.
Maybe it is because of these reasons he’s taken all kinds of crap on social media and sports radio and the blogosphere regarding his lack of productivity, attitude and the way he plays the game in general.
So yeah, it probably felt pretty good for him to score four touchdowns on 174 yards receiving while leading the Broncos to a crucial win. Eric Decker: Stud.
Douche of the week: Antonio Smith is a player I’ve never heard of on the Houston Texans, who have lost 10 games in a row. After the game Smith accused the 9-3 Patriots of cheating, which is always fun. But dude, you can’t do that after your 10th straight loss. Nobody needs to cheat to beat you. That makes you a complete loser. Antonio Smith: Douche.
Tweet of the week:
I’m pretty sure public figures saying offensive things is why Twitter was invented. (Although as a society we need to do something about the haphazard use of exclamation points.)
Wait! Nope. New winner! This is why Twitter was invented! Suggesting rule changes! (Those exclamation points are appropriate.)
He was referring to this, of course:
via @gifdsports / foxsports.com
Yikes, man.
What to watch the next seven days:
- Colorado State plays Colorado in men’s basketball tonight at 7:00 at Moby. The Rams are in a bit of a rebuild, but are off to a nice 6-2 start. The Buffs have some really big expectations for the year and are 7-1. CU is favored by 2.5. Watch on ESPN 3 if you can figure out that weird non-channel.
- The Buffs also host #6 Kansas on Saturday in what should be an interesting litmus test.
- Saturday is conference championship day in college football. National and BCS championship implications are everywhere. #3 Auburn – #5 Missouri at 2:00 and #2 Ohio State – #10 Michigan State at 6:17 should be the most interesting matchups.
- Three good NFL games on Sunday: The Colts and the Bengals are both 8-4. The Lions and the Eagles are both 7-5. The Saints and the Panthers are both 9-3.
No idea where this GIF came from. But it’s pretty great:
Dave Christenson is out after five seasons at Wyoming. He went 27-34.
“A Football Life” aired an episode on Steave Gleason on Tuesday. He’s an incredible person with an incredible story. Lots of the episode can be seen here.
Worthwhile longread on Peyton Manning from ESPN the Magazine here.
And finally, if you haven’t gotten a good teary-eyed smile in today (oh man I hope Knowshon isn’t around), here you go.
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Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.
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Tuesdays With Mitch 