Your Super Bowl Sunday Roundup

Welcome to the 95th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we always hand it off from the one. Let’s get into it…

Shaggy Hair Quarterback Guy is sad. Big Fat Lineman Guy is happy. Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

I’ll start with some thoughts on the last football game we’ll see in a long time because it was a fun one. Going into the game, I was kind of rooting for the Seahawks as the lesser of two evils. During the game, I found myself not caring at all who won because both teams are so easy to hate. But instead of grimacing during either teams’ successes, I focused on enjoying the mistakes and failures that flowed throughout the game. Someone had to lose, and that meant at various points of the game I would be able to point at the TV and laugh and say things like HAHA I DON’T LIKE THAT FOOTBALL PLAYER AND HE JUST PERFORMED POORLY!

Here are a few of my personal highlights and low-lights:

HIGH:  Tom Brady throws an absolutely hilarious, terrible first-quarter interception right to a defender standing by himself at the goal line. It looked like Tom was trying to turn it over. It was awesome. This is probably my favorite moment of the entire game.

LOW:  Awww man, now the Seahawks defense gets to strut around and brag like they actually had something to do with that gift.

HIGH: The vaunted Seahawks secondary and “Legion of Boom” is nowhere to be found during the fourth quarter. They are unable to hold on to a 10 point lead late in the game. It’s pretty nice to see them get some comeuppance! That oughta shut ’em up for a while.

LOW: Awww man, Tom Brady just played like the best quarterback of all time. We don’t like him so that’s not cool! In the fourth quarter Brady went 13-15 for 124 yards and two touchdowns. On the drive that led to the go-ahead score, he went 8-8. Now I’m forced to give Tom Brady all the credit in the world, because he deserves every bit of it after that performance.

HIGH: The Patriots defense gives up a long pass to Jermaine Kearse to set the Seahawks up with a golden opportunity to score the go-ahead touchdown. This happens even though New England had perfect coverage on Kearse. At this point it seems like the Patriots are going to somehow lose a Super Bowl they shouldn’t lose in a game when they were the better team. That’s tremendous news! For all of the Patriots’ cheating, smugness, inaccurate injury reports, and obnoxious fans, this really feels like something they deserved. They STILL haven’t won a Super Bowl in more than a decade!

LOW: Awww man, now the Seahawks are going to win a Super Bowl they don’t even deserve to win. We’re going to be stuck with dynasty talk and watching their cocky, narcissistic players have the right to act like they’re the best in the world. They should have never won that game against the Packers and they shouldn’t win this one either. But they’re going to. They are the luckiest damn team I’ve ever seen.

HIGH: In between gum chomps, Pete Carroll makes the worst play call in the history of football.

One thing I haven’t heard on this:  Why did they throw the ball in that situation when they have Marshawn Lynch in the backfield? Wilson’s pass was intercepted, so I don’t think they should have done that. Just my take.

LOW: Awww man, that elicited this joyous, childlike (and absolutely awesome) reaction from Tom Brady.

So yeah, overall it was an incredibly dramatic, fun, awesome Super Bowl. It’s too bad the Patriots won, but focusing on the Seahawks losing makes everything tolerable.

On another note, I’m also surprised by the lack of run (fitting word choice) the media are giving the fight that came after the game-clinching interception. The reaction isn’t a huge surprise coming from the Seahawks, whose defense never pretends to be the classiest bunch, but  I think it deserves more attention than it’s getting.

I mean, the most-watched Super Bowl in history ended with several simultaneous fights breaking out. A borderline brawl! That’s pretty awesome! After an entire season of public relations nightmares for the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, it was a fitting end. Fitting fighting. I just wish more people were talking about it, because the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE just ended an oftentimes disastrous season on a hilarious note.

Let’s move on to the weekly departments…

Stud of the week:

As crazy as the Super Bowl was, the best part of the day came during halftime because of the sharks that danced around with Katy Perry. The smiley face beach balls are cool. The happy trees and bopping surf boards provide a nice backdrop. But it is all about those sharks. These guys are so awesome.

Now, you’ll notice in the Vine above that the shark on the right has some crisp dance moves. A real pro. However, the shark on the left, whom the internet has since dubbed Left Shark, doesn’t really seem to know what’s going on. Or he doesn’t care. Or he’s drunk. Whatever. He’s the best. Deep down, we all have a little Left Shark in us.

Gawker

I’ve watched that like 100 times. This Vine is pretty awesome too. It looks like Left Shark is a little more on top of this portion of the dance.

In regards to the non-dancing-shark portions of the halftime show, I thought most of it was fine but was absolutely baffled by the surprise appearance of Missy Elliot. How odd was that? Her last hit must have been at least ten years ago and her music has absolutely nothing to do with Katy Perry.  So strange. This concludes my non-dancing-shark halftime show analysis.

Douche of the week:

Me! I’m a douche! Last week I picked 12 fairly random prop bets that I felt good about and analyzed what made them good bets. Please note that I also advised you not to actually take my advice so I hope you took my advice of not actually taking my advice. Things went poorly! So let’s pretend I put 100 bucks on each bet. I started with $1,200, how much would I end up with?

• I felt pretty confident in my research regarding the National Anthem length. That research led me astray. Menzel went over. I’m down to $1,100.
• Menzel did not screw up the words to the National Anthem. So I won this one, but it wasn’t much of a gamble, so my $100 risk only won me $12.50. Current total:  $1112.50
• I knew Katy Perry would come out in a skirt. This one was easy. Again, this was the favored result, so I only won 80 bucks. Current total: $1192.50
• Al and Chris only said “deflate” twice! They only mentioned it in one conversation! What the hell kind of world are we living in? I had the over, they went under. Current total $1092.50
• I felt very confident Belichick would come out with his stupid looking hoodie with cut-off sleeves. I was wrong. The sleeves were intact. Current total: $992.50
• I knew Belichick would wear a BLUE hoodie but decided to gamble on RED because I’m stupid. Current total: $892.50
• Russell Wilson vs. the price of gas… Russell threw for 247 yards. The average price of gas Monday was $2.06. Russell wins big. I continue to lose. Current total: $792.50
• I had a hunch the Patriots would win big; the Patriots won small. My “Margin of Victory” bet wasn’t close. Current total $692.50
• Tom Brady threw for 328 yards. Way more than Wilson. I got one right! Current total $792.50.
• Neither team had a safety. There goes a hundred bucks. Current total: $692.50
• Neither team attempted a 2-point conversion. There goes a hundred more bucks. $592.50
• Only one field goal was kicked in the whole game. It was a 27-yarder, which is longer than 24 1/2 yards, so I win another one. Current total $692.50

So had I been in Las Vegas with an extra $1,200 to spend solely on prop bets I would have lost just over 500 of those dollars. Gambling is not a wise investment. This is why I’ve vowed to never return to Las Vegas.

Tweet of the week:

We go back to the halftime show for a pretty decent joke about Katy Perry’s wardrobe. (For my older readers, that’s Will Ferrell in “Blades of Glory”.)

Who wore it better? pic.twitter.com/7xGDFpPgot

— Goldy the Gopher (official) (@GoldytheGopher) February 2, 2015

Photo of the week:

The best picture from Sunday was this one of Richard Sherman and Tom Brady as the game concluded. Just an awesome piece of sports photography.

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports via Reuters

Vine of the week:

This is one of the great Vines of all time, combining a classic Simpsons moment with Richard Sherman’s over-the-top reaction to that infamous interception.

Pure perfection. Look how similar Sherman’s face is to Ralph’s!

Giphy

(For the record, Lisa was a little too rough on Ralph back in the day.)

Some other stuff from around the internet:

This piece on Amy Van Dyken is worth your time. She is such a badass.

Montrezl Harrell of Louisville might have had the dunk of the year in college basketball on Saturday.

Trevor Lacy of North Carolina State had a pretty awesome game-winner.

The 16th hole at the Waste Management Phoenix Open is played in a stadium setting in front of a loud, rowdy crowd. It’s unlike anything else in golf. So, when Francesco Molinari nailed a hole-in-one, some fun things happened. (Wait for the beer-throws at the 1:00 mark.) So damn fun.

This bizarre commercial aired during the Super Bowl in Saint Louis. Check it out! It’s an upbeat song about dying young of a heroin overdose.

And finally, if you haven’t seen this yet, stop what you’re doing and watch it immediately. Gronk and Lynch are hilarious. Conan is the best.

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

***

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

My Picks For My Favorite Super Bowl Prop Bets

Welcome to the 94th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where all balls are always properly inflated. (Boom! Got the mandatory ball joke out of the way right off the bat.) Let’s get into it…

I think those are shorts. The odds of Katy Perry wearing shorts when she performs at halftime of the Super Bowl are 2/1. And hey, when you get an opportunity to use a picture of Katy Perry as your header image, you take it. (Joe Raedle Getty Image)

If you haven’t heard, the Super Bowl is this Sunday and not many folks ’round these parts are very excited for it. Both teams are full of douche bags; both fan bases are insufferable. Also, each team is way better than the Broncos, so that doesn’t help either. But I come with good news! There IS one thing we can all rally around and enjoy on Super Bowl Sunday without concerning ourselves with the stupid outcome of the stupid game. Gambling! And not just the normal, run of the mill, point spread stuff. I’m talking really weird, random prop bets. Bets about Katy Perry’s clothes and the National Anthem being screwed up.

Now, I was in Vegas a few weeks ago betting on about 20 different college bowl games over the course of three days and if that performance is any indication… I’M TOTALLY DUE FOR A BIG WEEKEND. (I also vowed to never again bet on another sporting event, but let’s ignore that for the sake of today’s post.)

Anyway, Fox Sports put together a list of some of the more interesting prop bets listed at Bovada and here are a few that you should throw some money on:

• How long will it take Idina Menzel to sing the US National Anthem?
• Over/Under: 2 Minutes, 1 Second

This one might seem completely random and unpredictable. It’s not. I’m here to help. Here’s Menzel (or Adele Dazeeb) singing the anthem at July’s MLB All Star Game:

I clock her at 1:59.27 in this version. So yeah, it’ll be close. Will she draw it out a little more on a much bigger stage? Will she be a little nervous and rushed with more than 100 million people watching? Who knows.

What we can count on is some actual research. In the above video, there is a noticeable pause– almost five seconds long!– after she sings FREEEEEEE while she waits for the flyover jets to pass and gathers herself for the big finish. There will be another flyover at the Super Bowl, but it seems too unlikely to count on another pause of that length. That’s the key!

There’s also this performance from 2008— before a Patriots game even!– in which I clocked her waaaayyy under at 1:34.99. Obviously the more recent performance is worth more of our attention, but this tidbit only reinforces where to put your money on this one.

THE PICK: UNDER 2:01

•   Will Idina Menzel forget or omit at least one word of the national anthem?    
• Yes: +500
• No: -800

Free money. No way in hell she forgets the words. She’s a pro. She’s not Christina Aguilera. Bet eight bucks. Win a dollar. Free freaking money. You’re welcome.

THE PICK: NO: -800

• Which song will Katy Perry perform first at halftime?
• Firework: 3/2
• Roar: 3/2
• This Is How We Do: 5/1
• Dark Horse: 12/1
• E.T.: 12/1
• Wide Awake: 12/1
• Waking Up In Vegas: 20/1

I think I’ve heard of two of these songs. I’m no help here. Sorry. But hey I would doubt she sings about Vegas in a game in Glendale between teams from Boston and Seattle. Just a thought.

• What will Katy Perry be wearing when she begins the Halftime show? 
• Pants (below knees):  5/2
• Shorts (above knees):  2/1
• Skirt or dress: 4/5

Now, I might not know any of her music, but I’ve definitely paid attention to Katy Perry’s wardrobe over the years. Beyond that, I happily did some research on this one. A quick YouTube search of “Katy Perry Live” yields a lot of performances with Perry in some brightly colored weird-ass costume-type things that I guess would have to be considered a skirt or dress. No pants. I think I saw one pair of short shorts. Originally, my gut said the value play here was to gamble a bit and go with shorts. After all, Katy Perry can look awfully enticing in a pair of tight and short shorts. Upon further review, she’s too damn weird to even consider wearing something as normal as shorts on a stage of this magnitude. The payout is lower but take the free money.

THE PICK: SKIRT OR DRESS: 4/5

• How many times will “Deflated” Balls be said during the game? (From kickoff until final whistle. Live pictures only, any taped pictures or past video does not count towards wager. Halftime does not count towards wager. Must clearly say “Deflated” or “Deflate”. Book Manager’s decision is final. NO OVERLIMITS)
• Over/Under:  3

This one opened at 2 1/2 but has moved a very crucial half-mention (?) to 3. I’d like to get a solid, 100 percent ruling on the term “DeflateGate”, but from what I can see in that disclaimer any form of “deflate” counts. So in that case OVER OVER OVER OVER OH MY GOOD LORD OVER OVER OVER HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN NEAR A TV OR COMPUTER OR NEWSPAPER ANY TIME IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS THIS IS SO DAMN EASY THEY’LL SAY DEFLATE TEN TIMES IN THE FIRST FREAKING QUARTER. DEFLATEGATE IS ALL THERE IS IN THIS WORLD AND ALL THERE EVER WILL BE. ALL HAIL DEFLATEGATE.

THE PICK: OVER 3

• Bill Belichick Hoodie Type? 
• Sleeves Cut: -150
• Sleeves Intact: +110

More free money! Why in the world would Belichick wear sleeves in this game? After two weeks of addressing that stuff about deflated footballs (have you heard about that?) he’s going to act as Belichick-ian as possible just to troll the masses. Also, the weather is usually pretty nice in Arizona. There will be no sleeves.

THE PICK: Sleeves Cut: -150

• Which color will Bill Belichick’s hoodie be?     
• Grey: 1/2
• Blue: 7/4
• Red: 7/1

Time for more next-level research!

Here’s BB in SB XXXVI in 2002. BLUE! (Also, not a hoodie)

Getty Images

And in SB XXXVIII in 2004, BLUE again! (Also not a hoodie again.)

AP Photo

In SB XXXIX in 2005 the hoodie made its first appearance. It was GRAY.

(Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)

In SB XLII in 2008 a RED hoodie made its only appearance. This was BB’s first Super Bowl loss as Patriots’ head coach.

(AP Photo/Stephan Savoia)

In SB XLVI in 2012 he went back to GRAY in another loss to the Giants.

AP Photo

This season in the playoffs he’s gone BLUE against the Ravens…

Getty Images

…And BLUE against the Colts.

AP Photo

There is really no sense in picking Gray at -200. Blue’s odds at -175 aren’t much better. Red seems unlikely because it such a historically rare choice. I think Belichick will probably end up wearing a blue hoodie. But sometimes you gotta gamble a bit and that big number next to Red is really attractive.

THE PICK: Red 7/1

• What will be higher?        
• Russell Wilson Pass Yards: -15 1/2
• US National Average Gas Price (in cents) on Monday, Feb. 2: +15 1/2

This has got to be the strangest damn prop bet I have ever seen. Can you imagine betting like $100,000 on whether the average national gas price will be within 15 1/2 cents of the total number of yards a quarterback throws for in a football game?! How do people even come up with this stuff? God Bless America. The gas price source Bovada is using is here. At the time of this posting it’s $2.038.

I’ll go with the gas and the 15 1/2 yards/cents because a couple days ago I think some guy on the news said the price might go up soon (I refuse to do actual research on this) and I don’t think Russell Wilson is going to have a very good game.

THE PICK: US National Average Gas Price (in cents) on Monday, Feb. 2: +15 1/2

Okay let’s transition to a couple of the props regarding the actual football game, even though they’re not as fun.

• Margin of Victory           
• New England Patriots 1 to 6 points: 7/2      
• New England Patriots 7 to 12 points: 11/2    
• New England Patriots 13 to 18 points: 8/1      
• New England Patriots 19 to 24 points: 14/1    
• New England Patriots 25 to 30 points: 20/1   
• New England Patriots 31 to 36 points: 35/1    
• New England Patriots 37 or more points: 30/1    
• Seattle Seahawks 1 to 6 points: 7/2 
• Seattle Seahawks 7 to 12 points: 11/2   
• Seattle Seahawks 13 to 18 points: 8/1  
• Seattle Seahawks 19 to 24 points: 14/1    
• Seattle Seahawks 25 to 30 points: 20/1 
• Seattle Seahawks 31 to 36 points: 35/1    
• Seattle Seahawks 37 or more points: 30/1    

I think the Patriots have a pretty good shot to win this game comfortably. The best combo of realistic margin of victory and appealing odds is New England by a couple touchdowns and the opportunity to turn 100 bucks into 900.

THE PICK: New England Patriots 13 to 18 points: 8/1      

• Who will have more Passing Yards in the game?
• Tom Brady: -39 1/2
• Russell Wilson: +39 1/2

Will Brady throw for 40 more yards than Russell Wilson? Hell yes he will.

THE PICK: Tom Brady -39 1/2

• Will there be a safety in the game?        
• Yes: +550
• No: -900

Safeties happen. I even saw one in a Super Bowl once! Pretty solid odds. Why not?

THE PICK: Yes: +550

• Will a 2-point conversion be attempted in the game?   
• Yes: +200
• No: -250

2/1 odds for either team even attempting to go for two at any point in the game? Too good to pass up.

THE PICK: Yes: +200

• Shortest successful field goal in the game
• Over/Under: 24 1/2

After Mike McCarthy made an idiot out of himself by kicking it from the 1-yard line twice in the NFC Championship game, I think each Super Bowl coach will be more bold. No kicks from inside the 7.

THE PICK: Over: 24 1/2

That’s enough of that. And please keep in mind that since I am the one making these picks, they are all very likely to be 100 percent incorrect.

Let’s move on to the weekly departments…

Douches of the week:

The Cincinnati Bengals are not granting permission for the Denver Broncos to formally interview Vance Joseph for their vacant defensive coordinator position. The Broncos have made it clear that Joseph is on the top of their list. Joseph has paid his dues as a defensive backs coach and has a great opportunity to continue to climb the ranks of the NFL coaching ladder, but his current employers are forcing him to stay where he’s at. That’s douchey!

I’m a little bias here because I would much rather the Broncos hire an up-and-comer like Joseph than a crusty old retread like Wade Phillips or Mike Smith.

Still though, what stupid way for the Bengals to run their organization.

Stud of the week:

Mike Krzyzewski (totally spelled that without looking it up) won his 1,000th game on Sunday, which is just an amazing number. I think Coach K has to be considered the greatest college basketball coach of all-time, just ahead of John Wooden because Shashefsky has done his incredible work in a much different and more difficult era.

A lot of people hate Duke, but I’ve always found Coach K to be classy and gracious, going about his business without much controversy.

You should also read this long profile from ESPN the Magazine.

Vines of the week:

Blake Griffin is freaking hilarious:

The Ohio University Bobcats beat Buffalo on a pretty incredible walk-off, buzzer beating dunk. Props to the school’s official Vine account for nailing those six seconds, too.

I can’t even comprehend what is happening here but I’m pretty sure it’s awesome.

Some other stuff from around the internet:

A new “Bad British Commentary” dropped today. TICKLE ME ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK! I just love these damn videos.

New Mexico guard Hugh Greenwood has a mom battling cancer and Greenwood is active on Twitter. Knowing the trolls that lurk on Twitter, that might not necessarily be the best combo. Greenwood, though, found some motivation from some disgusting anonymous Tweets. This is great.

Ball kids in tennis are really weird. This dude just stands there and let’s a serve hit him right in the… balls. And we all know people getting hit in the balls is always hilarious! At least he protected the sanctity of the sport or whatever.

Here’s the GIF:

The Big Lead

And finally,  just in case you’ve been stuck under a rock the past few days, here is the latest NFL version of Bad Lip Reading. Still awesome.

Dez really likes his Funyons.

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

***

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

Your Weekly Roundup From the Sports World and Internet

Welcome to the 93rd edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where I have a really hot take regarding the Super Bowl matchup:  I DON’T LIKE EITHER OF THESE TEAMS!!! THIS WILL BE THE WORST SUPER BOWL EVER!! Let’s get into it…

The new head coach of the Denver Broncos, seen here mean-mugging the world.. (Lloyd Fox, Baltimore Sun)

I’ll start with some quick thoughts on the Broncos’ hiring of Gary Kubiak as their head coach.

As we all know, there has never been a coaching hire that led the people in charge to do anything but shout from the rooftops about how wonderful and life-changing the news is. Every coaching hire is met with some degree of optimism and most are met with lots and lots and lots of optimism. (Recruiting classes in college are the same way.)

So with that in mind, I’m taking a very original approach to the Kubiak hire and saying I LIKE IT!

John Elway has proved to have a Not-Effing-Around mindset when it comes to winning a Super Bowl and Kubiak was undoubtedly his first choice to replace John Fox, who coached in the playoffs like he was thinking about the real estate market in Chicago more than the Colts’ defense.

Kubiak is a well-respected NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE lifer that generally gets the most out of his players, who all speak highly of him. He and Elway are BFFs who share similar mindsets when it comes to football and, presumably, lots of non-football stuff too. Kubiak will be more innovative and creative and hopefully less conservative than his predecessor.

The biggest initial question is how Kubiak’s under center, run first, bootleg, play-action offense will mesh with Manning’s style of offense, which is basically the opposite of all that. Indeed, this will be interesting to watch next fall, but it’s not something I’m overly concerned with. First, we don’t even know if Manning will be the Broncos’ quarterback next year (I’m still betting he will). Second, these guys should be able to adapt and find some sort of offense that suits them both. These are two of the best offensive minds in football. Just because they have traditionally different philosophies shouldn’t mean they can’t work together. And most importantly, you can’t make a coaching decision based on the needs of one player, particularly when that player is coming off an injury and is about to turn 39.

The Kubiak hire appears to set us up for Broncos A.M. (After Manning), which is an era that is coming at us quicker than most anticipated a few months ago.

So this move ought to be one that sets the Broncos up for success in the long-term. (Aren’t they all?) The short-term– meaning next season– is far more dependant on the health and skill set of the quarterback than the guy wearing the headset on the sideline.

Overall though, the Broncos introduced their new coach today. It’s a good hire. And even if it’s not, we might as well be optimistic. That’s what coaching hires are for. YAYYYY WE’RE ALL IN SUCH GOOD HANDS WHAT’S NOT TO LIKE?! (I actually do feel that way.)

And hey that NFC Championship game was pretty interesting.

The sequence of events in the fourth quarter was just absurdly unlikely. It’s worth it to put aside your hate of the Seahawks for a minute just to appreciate how absolutely bonkers that game was.

An all-time collapse from the Packers. And credit to the Seahawks who didn’t quit when a lot of teams would have.

Here’s the beautiful fake field goal that got things started for the Seahawks. (Although, not really. They were still dead in the water after this.)

And here’s the onside kick that played a pretty major role in the Packers’ faceplant. Look at Jordy Nelson just hanging out waiting to catch that ball.

Amazing game.

This brings us to our…

Douches of the week:

Seahawks fans! (Again.)

I had a mini-rant about the Seahawks’ fans prior to their hosting the Broncos in the season’s third week. This week we get to laugh at all the 12th Bags who left the NFC Championship early, only try to run back into the stadium, only to be denied re-entry, only to try watch the game on the concourse TVs from outside the stadium.

That's what happens when you leave a game early…. #GBvsSEA pic.twitter.com/K3cNtevOI7

— Chris Daniels (@ChrisDaniels_TV) January 18, 2015

#Seahawks fans are bummed they left too early and can't get back in! @KREM2 #kremseahawks pic.twitter.com/2WfNDCsn5y

— Jane McCarthy (@JaneMcCarthyRob) January 18, 2015

Now, wait a minute… I thought Seattle had the best fans in football. The best home field advantage in football. The only fans in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE that can have a real impact on the game.

These folks left the NFC Championship game, probably after Russell Wilson’s fourth interception with about five minutes to go and the Seahawks down by 12.

That’s pretty much unacceptable. If it was any other game I wouldn’t have a huge problem with it. I hate traffic more than most and am more realistic about my team’s chances of victory than most. The conference championship, however, is literally the biggest game a football team can host in their own stadium. You leave that game with five minutes left when you’re down twelve points? DOUCHES!

And yes, it’s worth mentioning that the vast majority of fans stayed until the end. (Duh. No credit for that.) And yes, it’s worth mentioning that every team in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE would have a few fans leave early in the given scenario. But this is simply more proof that Seahawks fans are just like every other fan base in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Why can’t we all just admit that?

There’s also this guy celebrating on the field after the game by pulling his pants down and drinking out of a pink plastic water bottle. I have no explanation for this.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (Tom Pennington-Getty Images)

Studs of the week:

We’re taking a sharp right turn away from the football world because we need to talk about what Colorado State did to Nevada on the basketball court Wednesday night. Nevada isn’t good, but isn’t an awful team either. Prior to playing CSU they beat a decent UNLV team on the road. The Rams beat the Wolfpack 98-42. NINETY-EIGHT TO FORTY-TWO. Obviously a beatdown like that will produce some crazy team statistics, but I just want to focus on some of the hilarious scores from this game.

The Rams started the game by jumping out to a 25-3 lead. They led 45-10 with three minutes left in the first half and 55-12 at half time. The trend continued in the second half. With 11 minutes left the Rams led 75-22. With 8 minutes left…

https://twitter.com/AndyGlockner/status/555566762662432769

The Rams’ big lead of the game came just before the final, when they led by 58 points, 98-40.

Then on Saturday, CSU beat San Jose State by 29 points. San Jose State is absolutely awful by every metric, so this wasn’t much of an accomplishment. Still, raise your hand if you can remember the last time the Rams won two consecutive games by a total of 85 points.

The Rams are now 17-2 (!) and have an RPI of 36. If they continue to play well throughout their conference schedule, they should be the only team in Colorado headed to the NCAA tournament.

Big one at Moby on Saturday against San Diego State. 8 p.m. White out. See y’all there.

Vine of the week:

Looks like we’re keeping it in the Mountain West. Larry Nance Jr. keeps doing cool things for Wyoming.

Photo of the Week:

I spent about ten seconds taking this picture on my phone while I was walking into work on Friday morning, so I’m not patting myself on the back too much, but just look at that sunrise!

Colorado sunrise. pic.twitter.com/d6pZFZzvxx

— Mitch (@TuesWithMitch) January 16, 2015

A couple (or single) link(s) worth sharing:

Just one story you need to get into this week. Kurt Busch testified under oath that his ex-girlfriend is a trained assassin. Even though it likely contains ridiculous amounts of lying under oath, this is the most amazing story, like, ever.

And finally, I saw “American Sniper” and “Boyhood” this weekend. They’re both excellent. Bradley Cooper will probably win Best Actor at the Oscars. But Boyhood will definitely win Best Picture. You need to carve out three hours and watch this movie. It’s unlike any movie that’s ever been made.

(I clearly didn’t have any funny sports videos for this spot this week.)

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

***

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

2014 Year In Review, Part Two

Welcome to– and another Happy New Year from– the 91st edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where I’m blogging for the first time in 2015. Let’s get into it…

It’s 2015 now, but I’m not ready to look ahead at the coming year or look back on the five days that have already passed. 2014 has come and gone and in doing so provided 52 weeks– and 52 posts– of sports and pop culture content. It’s time to reminisce on all that we took in last year so I went back and reviewed each of the last 52 posts and pulled out all of my favorite things.

So let’s look back at the year that was. Sports highlights, sports lowlights, news bloopers, funny videos, moving pictures… Here are some of my favorites. The best, the worst, the most memorable. We’re talking Vines, GIFs, videos, posts, pictures, tweets, moments and other stuff from 2014. (This post got so big, I split it up into two sections. Part One was posted last week.)

I present: Your Tuesdays With Mitch 2014 Year in Review (Part Two):

We pick this thing up in…

JULY:

The dog days of summer produced a lot of baseball and soccer talk across the country. And the early part of the month produced another all-time great Vine.

This one became so popular so fast, lots of people thought it was fake, causing the MLB to step in and confirm its validity. It was quite the controversy.

The World Cup finally came to end in mid-July when some country beat some other country. I couldn’t take it anymore and had to provide my thoughts on soccer, which evidently pissed some people off.

On an international scale, we suck at soccer. We always have and we always will. We suck because we don’t really give a damn. We never have and we never will.

People were excited about the World Cup not because they have a newfound love for soccer, but because of national pride (I am an advocate of U-S-A chants, after all), an excuse to weekday day drink, and the biggest factor, social media group think.

Social media was flooded with athletes and celebrities voicing their support on the job done by the #USMNT. For what? The team’s 1-2-1 performance? Or was it to help build their own brand, get a few ReTweets and Facebook likes and show that they’re in touch with pop culture and supportive of whatever you support?

This obviously goes far beyond famous athletes and other celebs. It became “the thing to do” for everybody. Countless Americans didn’t want to feel left out, so they posted a bunch of tweets, statuses, pictures and stupid memes about the #USMNT even though they literally couldn’t name one player on any team the day before the World Cup started.

Is soccer on the rise in the United States? I guess. Maybe. But if it is, it’s increasing from a tiny minority to a small minority. So congrats on that, soccer.

I regret nothing.

But hey, this Vine of goalie or keeper or whatever Tim Howard not giving out hugs is still stellar.

Even though the Rockies were really bad, watching their infield turn double plays was a treat all year. This was probably the best one, which I referred to at the time as “majestic artistry.”

By mid-July the wheels were completely falling off for the Rockies and owner Dick Monfort wasn’t handling things well. This led to what was probably the funniest thing I wrote all year, “In Defense of Dick Monfort.” That post received quite a bit of positive feedback, so thanks. Go read it again, you lazy bum.

The ESPY’S came and went at the end of the month. Stuart Scott’s speech was just the best.

(Note: I had most of this post completed prior to Scott’s passing on Sunday, so this video was already embedded. This speech is certainly more difficult to watch today than it was just a few days ago. But it’s also more moving and important to watch. He nailed it, man. I also encourage you to watch ESPN’s beautiful tribute and Rich Eisen’s perfect, live remembrance from Sunday.)

AUGUST:

Sad news came in the beginning of August when Pat Bowlen stepped down as owner of the Broncos to focus on his battle against Alzheimer’s. So, so damn sad.

I don’t read much Woody Paige anymore, but his column on Bowlen was a must-read.

August brought us the first sniffs of the college football season, starting most importantly, with THE RUNNING OF THE GUMPS. I enjoyed breaking down the Alabama hillbillies racing to worship Nick Saban. (Seriously I just cracked up over looking at the pictures/captions of those freaks one more time.)

And a trio of amazing news stories all came out around the same time, starting with my favorite news blooper of the year.

Followed by the best overall news story of the year, without a doubt.

Although this dude was not to be outdone.

The firing of Jack Graham came in early August and began a CSU-intensive few months for this blog. I kind of still can’t believe it happened. At the time, it seemed like this meant the on-campus stadium project had officially fallen through.

August 17th brought Todd Helton’s number retirement ceremony. It was perfect.

(Aaron Ontiveroz/Denver Post)

The Little League World Series came along and was as entertaining as always. We can’t forget this great speech from a coach who managed to keep everything in perspective.

ICYMI: Rhode Island #LLWS coach Dave Belisle delivers heartfelt speech, reminds us all what it's really about. » http://t.co/5t9kkcmPjx

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) August 19, 2014

A lot of you enjoyed my “Colorado State Football and Rocky Mountain Showdown Preview“. I spend a good amount of time just trash-talking CU, including discussing these numbers, which have only gotten dramatically worse after CU went winless in the Pac-12 in 2014.

Obviously, part of the reason for Colorado’s awful records and innumerable blowout losses is because they usually play a really tough schedule. This is all funny to me because one of the bragging points among Colorado fans is their conference. They’re in the Pac-12! That’s one of the best conferences in the nation! It’s prestigious! They play really good teams like Stanford and USC and Oregon! Good for them!

One interesting sidenote many CU fans seem to forget: Colorado is 4-23 against the Pac-12 in their three years in the conference. Wait guys, 4-23? That’s really bad. That’s a .148 winning percentage. But hey it’s a really prestigious conference! Who cares if they get blown out and embarrassed by all the good teams every week?

The pre-showdown CU hate is one of my favorite traditions every year!

SEPTEMBER:

September began with a recap of CSU’s fun victory over CU. The CSU student section was named Stud of the Week for their remarkable performance.

@NolanLees

Naturally, as the season wore on and CU was revealed to be a really bad team again, the win looked less and less important to Rams fans. Still fun though.

The first true “football weekend” started with a bang as the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! got underway. The Broncos beat the Colts in the first of many victories that would leave large portions of the fan base disappointed because it wasn’t dominant enough. The weekend also included what I still consider to be the greatest play in the history of the game:

Deadspin

This same week saw CSU lose to Boise State in a game that would greatly affect the remainder of their season regarding aspirations for a conference championship and a “New Year’s Bowl.”

The following week produced another Broncos’s win and, from the college world, this Vine, which has 23 million loops:

I love the pass defense here.

And this guy provided the best selfie-video of the year, from an LSU tailgate.

The Broncos lost to the Seahawks in their third week, which I said was “cool with me.” More importantly, that week provided us with a mascot wildcat intently listening to a postgame locker room speech. The speech is cool, but that mascot, on one knee, nodding in agreement is one of the funniest damn things from the entire year.

“Colorado State Beats Boston College For A Huge, Wild Win” was one of the more fun write-ups I did this year. Here’s the lede:

Colorado State had no business beating Boston College as our Saturday mornings transitioned into Saturday afternoons. Not after CSU traveled farther east than the program had since 1959. Not after kicking off at 10:30 a.m. local time (an underrated factor in this game). Not after their senior quarterback threw two first-quarter interceptions. Not after falling behind 14-0 late in the second quarter. Not against an ACC team that beat the #9 team in the country on this field two weeks ago. Not with CSU’s senior quarterback beat up and grabbing his shoulder in pain after just about every play. Not when they were down three points facing a fourth-and-eleven with 1:05 left.

It also produced one of the better pictures of 2014.

Grayson to Lovett for the biggest play of Colorado State’s young season and a huge, dramatic win. (Stephan Savoia/AP

Indeed, the win over Boston College set the tone and made a statement in what would turn out to be a very special year for Colorado State.

On the last day of the MLB regular season, Jordan Zimmerman threw a no-hitter. Here’s the last play of the game from a unique vantage point.

OCTOBER:

October is always one of the best times of the year for sports. That was certainly the case this year with a great MLB Postseason, the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!, college football, the NHL and the NBA all in full swing (eventually).

The first week saw the Kansas City Royals beat the Oakland Athletics in an incredible one-game playoff. They won it on this 12th-inning hit from Salvador Perez. This was probably the best game of 2014 in any sport.

The first Saturday in October saw four MLB postseason games and 11 of the top 19 college football teams lose. This might have been the best sports day of 2014.

Katy Perry was on ESPN College Gameday that morning, and after Ole Miss upset Alabama, she was out on the town celebrating:

One of those postseason games went 18 innings. It ended, at last, when Brandon Belt did this. (Notice the bat drop swag.)

By mid-October, the CSU Rams and the Denver Broncos were both rollin’. It seemed easy. Too f**kin’ easy. IT’S SO EASY! At least that’s what Julius Thomas thought.

And around this time, some huge news came off of a football field, when it was announced that Rockies co-GMs (or whatever they were) Dan O’Dowd and Bill Geivett both resigned. Jeff Bridich took over the role. My quick thoughts on the situation:

The Rockies organization is a mess. Change is good. At this point any front office change has to be considered a good thing. That said, the real problem is the guy who owns the team and he isn’t going anywhere. And because of Monfort’s stubborn loyalty towards O’Dowd, resigning is the only way O’Dowd was ever going to leave.

Naturally, Monfort immediately filled the position with an internal candidate. Very, very “Rockies” of him. Jeff Bridich seems like a bright young executive and for all we know, he could be the perfect replacement. But it would have been nice for Monfort to at least poke around the baseball world outside of his own organization.

So I think Rockies fans should proceed with some cautious optimism. I can’t get overly excited, but this is progress. And progress is good.

If you’ve been keeping up with these posts, you know how I feel about this truly amazing Vine.

Still laughing at that thing.

Not to be outdone, Lou Holtz had this to say in another Top-5 Vine.

After those nutty couple of weeks, we turned to watch CSU beat Utah State on homecoming weekend in front of their first sellout crowd in over a decade. The Rams were rollin’ at 6-1 and the games were a blast.

That same weekend Peyton Manning broke the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! record for career passing touchdowns. (Man, there was a lot going on.) Of course Peyton and friends had to have some kind of silly (stupid) scripted celebration queued up.

@_MarcusD_

And the MLB Postseason marched on, too, with amazing game after amazing game. The Giants and Royals secured spots in the World Series. Here’s Joe Buck with my favorite play call of the year.

WE’RE STILL IN OCTOBER HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! The Broncos moved to 6-1 with a convincing win over the Chargers. CSU moved to 7-1 with a dominating win over Wyoming to keep The Boot. And the Madison Bumgarner train charged into the World Series without slowing down. By the time he was done, he had put together one of the all-time great Postseason performances in MLB history and perhaps the best individual performance by any athlete in my lifetime.

The other great individual performance from the World Series came from CHEVY GUY, who became an instant sensation after producing all-time high levels of discomfort for everyone watching. “You know, technology and stuff.” (Also keep your eye on Bud Selig at the 33 second mark.)

The Nuggets and Avs also started their seasons in October. Those have both been, umm… disappointing. And boring. And uneventful.

NOVEMBER:

The first weekend of November saw the Broncos go into New England and get their asses kicked by the Patriots. This GIF is a pretty fitting description of how the day’s events went.

@cjzero

The loss to the Patriots forced the Broncos to reevaluate lots of things as their season moved along.

A week later a boring game against the Raiders produced yet another Top-5 Vine.

This guy was an easy selection for Douche of the Week:

So was this bird and the people delighted at his horrifying antics:

Mid-November is when the University of Florida fired their head coach, prompting some national speculation about who might replace Will Muschamp. Jim McElwain’s name was mentioned often. I wrote:

There are always a lot of moving parts in these situations and much of my outlook is based on speculation, but as of right now, there are plenty of reasons to be confident McElwain will be back with Colorado State next year.

Hmmm…

Odell Beckhamn Jr. made the best catch any of us have ever seen.

Deadspin

In the month’s final week, Colorado State went to Air Force for both teams’ final regular season game. The Rams were looking to finish an 11-1 season and still had hope for a Fiesta Bowl apearance. The Falcons capped off their own great regular season (9-3) when they beat the Rams with a field goal on the game’s last play. At the time, it was a devastating loss for Rams fans.

(Andy Cross, Denver Post)

The Broncos beat the Chiefs the next night and Travis Kelce did this.

https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/539267701894811649

And Tom Brady was taken for a walk by his handler:

CJ Zero/ Cauldren

DECEMBER:

The beginning of the year’s final month started with some big news when Jim McElwain did, indeed, accept the Florida head coaching position and leave the Rams behind. This was another of my better (and most read) posts of the year.

Those three strange days are over now, having put an odd stamp on the end of the Jim McElwain era at Colorado State. It was a short era that should be remembered fondly. It should be remembered as the three years that brought Colorado State out the dredges of 3-9 seasons and into respectability.

The Rams are no longer an embarrassment. The Rams are a force in the Mountain West. The Rams are back on the college football map.

Jim McElwain put them there.

The McElwain news was quickly followed by bigger, more important news when the CSU Board of Governors approved the much talked about new, on-campus stadium. Somebody, somewhere thinks it will look like this, sooooo… that’s pretty sweet.

It’s slated to open for the 2017 season if all goes well.

The end of the year wasn’t that long ago so you should really remember this stuff.

Colorado State played in the Las Vegas Bowl without a head coach and was blown out 45-10 by a good Utah team. Shortly thereafter, CSU announced the hiring of Georgia Offensive Coordinator Mike Bobo, which appears– albeit before a single game– to be a very solid hire.

Proud to be CSU Rams! pic.twitter.com/ph6kiMc8YA

— Coach Mike Bobo (@CoachMikeBobo) December 25, 2014

I thnk that’ll do it, folks. 2014 was a fun one around these parts. I really do appreciate the hundreds of thousands of devoted readers who check in here each week. Here’s to a successful 2015 with more of the same fun posts on Tuesday afternoons.

And again, if you missed it, here’s Part One from last week.

And finally, here’s the funniest year-end video I’ve seen to date. You should recognize some of these clips, as I’ve happily touched on a bunch of the stuff in here over the past 12 months (and in the past two posts. Careful, you might hear some bad words.

Happy Tuesday, everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

***

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

2014 Year In Review, Part One

Welcome to– and a Happy New Year from– the 90th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where I’m blogging for the last time in 2014. Let’s get into it… .

Tomorrow is the last day of the year. 2014 has come and gone and in doing so provided 52 weeks– and 52 posts– of sports and pop culture content. It’s time to reminisce on all that we’ve taken in this year so I went back and reviewed each of the last 51 posts and pulled out all of my favorite things.

Let’s look back at the year that was. Sports highlights, sports lowlights, news bloopers, funny videos, moving pictures… Here are some of my favorites. The best, the worst, the most memorable. Vines, GIFs, videos, posts, pictures, tweets, moments and other stuff from 2014. (This post got so big, I split it up into two sections. Part Two will be out next week.)

I present:  Your Tuesdays With Mitch 2014 Year in Review (Part One):

 JANUARY:

The close of college football season is always an important staple of the year’s first month. The Sugar Bowl between Alabama and Oklahoma gave us one of the best videos of the year right off the bat.

Yeah… that’s gotta be the video of the year.

And the BCS National Championship wasn’t bad either.

The biggest thing from January ’round these parts was the AFC Championship game that saw the Broncos pound the Patriots.

Leading up to the game, I wrote this “Why We Should All Hate the Patriots” post that lots of you enjoyed. This could come in useful again in a couple weeks (although apparently some of the GIFs and pictures are no longer “active”).

The AFC Championship is when we learned that pretend horses ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DRUM!

SB Nation

This still cracks me up.

The Broncos won 26-16, but the game wasn’t as close as the score indicates. It was 23-3 with under ten minutes left in the fourth quarter.

@corkgaines

The Broncos were heading to the Super Bowl. They were favored. Optimism was high. Things were good.

FEBRUARY:

And then…

(Getty Images)

(Getty Images)

…The Super Bowl happened. 43-8. The Broncos were completely overmatched in every aspect of the game against an impressive Seahawks team. Has to be considered one of the worst days in Colorado sports history. Probably the worst sports day for anyone in or around my generation.

What a nightmare. I did, however write this post that lots of you enjoyed on “The Annoying People At Your Football Party.”

Next we have the I-kind-of-like-the-Broncos-but-really-I-just-want-to-get-wasted guy. “Dude, we gotta do shots for every Broncos’ touchdown!” on Sunday quickly faded into “Alright dude, we gotta do shots every time the Seahawks score or the Broncos turn it over or they show Richard Sherman on the sidelines or a Bronco gets tackled or they go to commercial!” Again, these guys are pretty standard for most sporting events. Comes with the territory. No big deal.

After the Super Bowl came the Olympics, but before that, let’s check in on Jacoby Jones attending a Pelicans game. This might be the best interview of the year.

Okay, back to the Olympics. The biggest early story was obviously Bob Costas’ freaking eyes, which both looked like they might fall out of his head at any moment.

via @sbnationgif

Ashley Wagner’s reaction to a judges’ scoring was all the rage for about 24 hours:

via Deadspin

After the Olympics, one of my favorite pictures of the year made its rounds. The first 2014 Heisman candidate:

This fairly mysterious picture popped up on Reddit in Late February.

MARCH:

In March we transitioned to basketball and hockey. I wondered if the Nuggets would be better off tanking their season away and laughed at Jan Vesley jab-stepping even though nobody was covering him.

Via The Big Lead

Spring training also started up, which provided this awesome picture from an Indians’ exhibition game.

Via @mlb

In mid-March, the Broncos released Champ Bailey, which just depressed the hell out of me. I wrote about that situation here. Even though some of the outlooks have become outdated after nine months, it’s probably one of the better pieces of writing I produced this year.

…(W)hen I look back at Champ’s days as a Bronco, I think I’ll remember the week-in, week-out excellence more than anything. Without hyperbole, I can say that for several years, Champ was, hands-down, the best football player on the field every single week.

I’ve never seen a cornerback that defended the run like Champ. He was the best cover corner in the game, but he was also the best tackler on the Broncos.

I remember Champ used to track the number of balls his receivers caught on him for a whole season. After an All-Pro year, Champ would lament that that number wasn’t zero. That’s a serious indication of greatness.

So here’s to Champ Bailey, who was just a pleasure to watch and root for over the course of ten seasons in Denver.

For my generation of Broncos fans, there will never be another Champ Bailey.

In the college basketball world, the Buffs were trying to win just enough games to get off the bubble and secure an NCAA tournament bid, while the Rams, Falcons and Cowboys floundered. Even though the Border War didn’t mean much, this dunk from Josh Adams was sick.

March also saw the One-Year anniversary of this blog, which I celebrated by half-assing a post because I was down and out with strep throat.

But the basketball season rolled on, leading to this really insightful tweet from the always insightful Magic Johnson:

The only way San Antonio or Miami don't win the championship is if neither team makes the finals.

— Earvin Magic Johnson (@MagicJohnson) March 7, 2014

Then came March Madness, which produced possibly the best sports weekend of the year (and one of my better posts). The antics of March Madness will never get old.

(via Deadspin)

via @sbnationgif

CU did, indeed build up a good enough resume to hear their name called on selection Sunday. They received an 8-seed and played against Pittsburgh. Things went poorly.

No. 9 Pitt absolutely destroying No. 8 Colorado, 46-18 at the half. #MarchMadness

— NCAA March Madness (@MarchMadnessMBB) March 20, 2014

Pitt just misses the most lopsided 8/9 game in NCAA tournament history. Blasts Colorado 77-48. Record is 30 (Michigan-Tennessee in 2011).

— Patrick Stevens (@D1scourse) March 20, 2014

I felt the need to clarify that last tweet.

“In the game referenced in that last tweet, Michigan won by 30 and was the 8-seed. This means Colorado just had the WORST PERFORMANCE EVER from an 8-seed. Historically awfu! They had a good year, but damn, it did not end well.”

APRIL:

April meant baseball, which meant a long winter officially coming to an end. It was time to make ill-fated Rockies predictions and head out to the ball yard. I predicted the Rockies would go 85-77. Optimism was high. I was wrong.

Opening Day also provided perhaps my favorite sports media piece all year (definitely my favorite from the local media). Benjamin Hochman’s colorful account of the Opening Day festivities at Coors Field.

Early April also brought us the national championship that saw Connecticut beat Kentucky. Kentucky lost, but I love this picture of James Young’s amazing dunk.

Getty Images

The national championship also meant the close of the college basketball season, which of course meant “One Shining Moment” was coming to give you goosebumps.

The best early-season baseball GIF still makes me laugh, eight months later.

via Deadspin

Bubba Watson won the masters. His kid was not impressed.

The Big Lead

The Avalanche completed an incredible regular season turnaround and strutted into the playoffs with swagger and confidence. Here was my “recap” of Game One:

“You know what happened. Roy pulls the goalie with three minutes to go (!). Erik Johnson saves an empty net goal by doing this (!) with less than two minutes left.

HockeyGrrls

Then Stastny scores with 13 seconds (!) left. Then he scores again in overtime (!). It was awesome.

AND THE AVS WIN!!!! https://t.co/cDqOdT0kgs

— Colorado Avalanche (@Avalanche) April 18, 2014

 

You also have to listen to Marc Moser’s homer radio call of the two Stastny goals. They’re epic.

Regardless of what happens in the rest of this season and series, Game One will be one of the best sports moments of the year in Colorado. To welcome playoff hockey back to Denver in that manner was truly unbelievable.”

Indeed it was.

This time of year also introduced us to Bartolo Colon batting, which became a favorite around these parts.

Adam Hunger, USA Today Sports.

I could still watch that Vine all day.

As April rolled on, the Avs series went seven games and produced the quote of the year from Patrick Roy when he said “”Now it’s our turn to — sorry for the words — put our balls on the table.”

The series was unbeliveably dramatic and entertaining. Here is the Game Five overtime winner from Nathan McKinnon.

Of course, the Avs lost Game Seven in overtime. It happened on a Tuesday night, so I apparently chose not to cover it seven days after the fact.

MAY:

As we said goodbye to the Avalanche, April flowed into May and the Rockies were playing really good baseball. Troy Tulowitzki had one of the best months any of us had ever seen. He was the best player in the game.

.@Rockies SS Troy Tulowitzki named NL Player of the Month. pic.twitter.com/hByz0KpvCJ

— MLB (@MLB) May 5, 2014

The NBA Playoffs produced one of the great Vines of all-time, when Damian Lillard hit a walk-off three-pointer.

And I wrote one of my most-viewed and best-received post of the year: “How to Sneak In To Better Seats At Coors Field“.

1. Don’t be too afraid to get caught and have a back up plan. If I get asked for a ticket when trying to enter a section, I generally say something along the lines of Oh yeah my buddy/mom/dad/whoever has mine they should be coming over soon. Then I stand there with a quizical look on my face scanning the fans for my pretend companion before slowly drifting back into the concourse crowd like Shoeless Joe in a cornfield. The usher leaves the park that night gazing at the moon and wondering if I even existed at all. Now, if I’m already seated and an usher comes to give me the boot I usuallly hand him or her my $4 Rockpile ticket with confidence and annoyance as if to say Yeah old man, I know what I’m doing. Here’s my ticket. I usually get quite a kick out of the usher shaking his head, turning and pointing across the stadium at the Rockpile. What? You mean this four dollar ticket doesn’t grant me access to this 2nd row aisle seat? Oh. I’m sorry. Honest mistake.

This real-life version of Andy from “Parks and Recreation” made an appearance.

Wes Welker passed out 100 dollar bills at the Kentucky Derby.

For The Win

With the benefit of hindsight, we are left to wonder if Wes had consumed anything that might have made handing out money a little more fun that it should be.

The progression of baseball season provided us with a new Bad British Commentary video, which was welcome news.

This kid was one of our Studs of the Week:

So was HERO CAT! REMEMBER HERO CAT?!

And I really enjoyed watching an old fat dude smell his armpit and share it with his companion.

JUNE:

By June, the Rockies were falling apart after a 2-7 East Coast road trip. I was still a little bit optimistic at the beginning of June, because I’m an idiot.

The NBA Playoffs were slowly creeping along, and Lance Stephenson provided us with their most memorable moment when he blew in LeBron’s ear.

via @cjzero

Mid-June also means the Spelling Bee freakshows come out to ESPN, which always makes me long for the days when I had summer vacations with nothing to do but laugh at home-schooled weirdos.

As June moved forward, I came to the sad realization that the Rockies, indeed, sucked. This quote from my June 10th post explains the state of affairs at the time…

At some point the injuries became too much to handle, specifically when Nolan Arenado went down. That dramatically changed the entire makeup of the Rockies, both offensively and defensively. And the horrible news just keeps coming. Yesterday three more injury related headlines were announced. Eddie Butler would hit the DL after just one start. Michael Cuddyer would hit the DL (again) and it sounds like he’ll be out for a long while. And Carlos Gonzalez would need surgery on that damn finger. So let’s take a look at the status of eight very important Rockies:

• Tyler Chatwood 60-Day DL
• Brett Anderson 60-Day DL
• Jordan Lyles 15-Day DL
• Eddie Butler 15-Day DL
• Boone Logan15-Day DL
• Nolan Arenado 15-Day DL
• Michael Cuddyer 15-Day DL
• Carlos Gonzalez 15-Day DL

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s hard to win without any players.

That pretty much summed it up for the Rox. By mid-June, half of their team was on the DL and their season was over.

The Spurs and Heat played in the NBA Finals. LeBron James set the internet ablaze with irrationality and hot takes when he was carried off the floor because of leg cramps.

@cjzero

Of course, the Spurs would go on to win the series in a relatively easy five games.

AP Photo/David J. Phillip

Yoenis Cespedes made the throw of the year.

The L.A. Kings won the Stanley Cup. Naturally, the most important part of the series for me was a lady falling on her face behind a news broadcast.

Deadspin

By late June, the Rockies awfulness reached a remarkable crescendo with this amazing play:

The World Cup came and that was big news for a lot of people. It included a cannibal guy!

That wraps up June, which wraps up the first half of 2014.

Keep an eye out next week for Part Two.

HAPPY NEW YEAR. And happy Tuesday.  Again, thanks for reading these each week. Here’s to a successful 2015 with more of the same fun posts. See ya next week.

***

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

Your Football Weekend Roundup (Again)

Welcome to the 77th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we’ve offically entered the last week of summer. That’s depressing. But it means lots of football in the coming weeks, which is not depressing. Let’s get into it…

(John Lebya/Denver Post)

I’ll start with a few quick takeaways from the Broncos win over the Chiefs. The Denver Broncos won again. And people are upset again. I am still not one of them. In the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! I am completely on board with the “win is a win” mentality.

Take a look around the league. Plenty of other good teams with Super Bowl expectations are not 2-0. The Patriots lost to the Dolphins. The Seahawks lost to a decent San Diego team. The 49ers choked away a big 2nd-half lead at home. The freaking Saints are 0-2. Bad losses happen in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!. If the Broncos had dropped either of these games we might have some– SOME– cause for concern. But they didn’t.

Being a Broncos fan is really fun these days. They look like the best team in the AFC and they’re 2-0 and everybody is still finding stuff to be unhappy about. That’s pretty awesome when you think about it.

I said this last week, but all the Broncos need to do is keep piling up the ‘dubyas. I realize I would get a lot more reaction and readership if I yelled at you that THE BRONCOS ARE IN TROUBLE AND LOOK LIKE CRAP AND WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE DEFENSE NO WAIT WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE OFFENSE THEY’VE BARELY EVEN BEATEN TWO TEAMS THAT WENT A COMBINED 22-10 LAST YEAR THAT’S HORRIBLE. But I’m just a little more levelheaded than that. This team is fine. My outlook is pretty boring. It’s also true.

Keep in mind that if the Broncos recover the onside kick against the Colts, which they should have, that doesn’t turn into a one-possession game. And of course, if the Broncos don’t repeatedly shoot themselves in the foot with silly 4th-quarter penalties and catch a bad-break on an Alex Smith tuck-rule replay, they also win Sunday’s game pretty comfortably.

Von Miller is coming off an ACL injury. That’s not a particularly easy thing to do. He’s going to get better as the season progresses and that will help the defense a great deal. Wes Welker will be back this week which will improve the offense, especially on third downs.

The Broncos are going to the playoffs. That’s when things get interesting. Because I just can’t get all that worked up about the regular season. Especially when the Broncos are scoring more points than their opponents.

Speaking of winning games, I can’t imagine the Broncos will do so Sunday in Seattle, during what should be a fun afternoon. A Broncos win would be a huge statement to the rest of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!, but really I’m just looking to see if the Broncos can keep it close and stay competitive. A loss to the Seahawks in Seattle doesn’t break your season, but getting blown out… something like a score of… I don’t know… 43-8… You would have to think that would do some damage to the Broncos’ mental makeup over the course of this season.

But I think it will be an entertaining game. The Broncos lose a fairly close one. And I’ll be banging the “Everything-Is-Fine” drum in a week.

And hey did you see Peyton Manning being a real cry-baby jerk* when he was yelling at Orange Julius?

*Just kiddin’. This is what leaders (and all good, competitive quarterbacks) do. It’s part of sports. And sports are fun!

Off to the weekly departments…

Douche(s) of the week:

Seattle Seahawks fans are enourmous douche bags. (Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

Seahawks fans are the absolute worst. There is no longer any doubt who is the most insufferable fan base in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!. It’s not the Raiders or Steelers or Patriots or even the Jaguars.

• Seahawks fans insist on calling themselves the 12th man, even though that is a blatant rip-off of Texas A&M, who has been using and embracing the term since 1922.
• They’re more proud of having the so-called “loudest stadium in the league” than anything else in their lives (except maybe Seattle’s soccer team). I think all stadiums are pretty loud when the home team is good, you no-life losers. Get over yourselves and give it a rest.
• Some of them wanted to erect a statue of Richard Sherman, which is a really stupid thing to want to do.
• They were nowhere to be found just a few short years ago when the Seahawks were an average (or bad) team. This whole mantra is brand new. And in a few years after they have to pay Russell Wilson and the makeup of their roster has completely changed and they’re no longer Super Bowl champions, they’ll be nowhere to be found once more.

Oh, and Richard Sherman is also a huge douche and the most self-absorbed player in the league.

(Unrelated: Jonathan Paplebon is still a douche as well.)

Stud(s) of the week:

So RayRiceRogerGoddellAdrianPeterson and the entire National Football League! should probably have the previous, “douche” distinction because they’re all horrible. And yes, there seems to be a new story every day that makes me want to abandon all of professional football. But I won’t. And neither will you. And I’ve come to terms with that because it’s important to remember the people in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! who are not horrible. You know, the vast majority of people affiliated with or employed by the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! who are upstanding citizens and good people.

It’s okay to still watch and root for them.

Tweet of the week:

Goodell should go on TV holding up a dirty envelope. "We found the tape. It fell behind a cabinet in the mailroom. My bad."

— Eric Stangel (@EricStangel) September 10, 2014

Pretty funny. You should follow Eric Stangel.

Vine(s) of the week:

This one might take you a while, but is pretty awesome once you see it. I’ve watched this a few dozen times and have no explanation as to why he is doing that.

(Update: This Vine has absolutely exploded in the past 12 hours or so– 13 million loops!– and the coach has since offered an explanation. They were pretty much just messing around, which is awesome.)

And I can’t tell if this guy is doing some really mean trash talk or is simply a very caring person.

No… No, he’s just being a dick. Pretty awesome. (Hat tip to Dunks for sending that one over.)

Some other stuff the internet had to offer from the past week:

This GIF just cracks me the hell up:

She doesn't even know. pic.twitter.com/Oyw2FiJLlY

— MLB GIFS (@MLBGIFs) September 10, 2014

I absolutely love the mid-dance beer swig. Doesn’t miss a beat!

This is not how you’re supposed to do it:

Some really good pass defense here:

These two Miss America contestants have some interesting and potentially completely made up factoids about themselves:

What. #MissAmerica pic.twitter.com/VrV9uAOaRB

— Alie Martell (@aliemartell) September 15, 2014

oh she should win RT @SlettyBear: @Lana this was my favorite pic.twitter.com/iywQgw8fqa

— Lana Berry (@Lana) September 15, 2014

A couple links worth sharing from the past week:

• “The Rockies look like a team hitting bottom without a plan for how to climb back up.” from Sports Illustrated’s Rockies’ year-in-review.
• This awesome high school senior wants his yearbook picture to feature a cat and some lasers because he’s awesome. The school won’t let him because it is not awesome.
• My favorite person on the internet was profiled in Slate yesterday. PFTCommenter, the anonymous, satirical, parody of a Twitter account and writer is so hard for me to explain to other people so I’m glad somebody else is writing about how awesome he is. (Grantland also wrote about him a few months back.)

And finally, this guy knows exactly what to do when some douchey frat douches start acting like douches and beating the crap out of a fellow douche.

Facial expression just kills me.

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See y’all next week.

***

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

The Past Week Has Been Really Crappy

Welcome to the 70th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where the summer is starting to roll by a little too quickly. July is over? It’s August already? Although after the past week, that might be a good thing. Let’s get into it…

The NFL didn’t send a very positive message with Ray Rice’s two-game suspension. (AP Photo)

Man, it was a really crappy week for sports news. Both locally and nationally throughout the week, the subject matter was neither fun nor lighthearted and ranged from the enraging to the simply sad.

It started on Monday (the 21st) with people nationally reacting to the remarks Tony Dungy made about not drafting Michael Sam because he would produce unwanted distractions. The comments kind of came out of nowhere but successfully produced a bunch of sports people talking and writing about the legitimacy of the beliefs and lifestyles of others. And there was PLENTY to read and hear from both sides of this “debate”. Because that’s what sports, the outlet to get away from the stresses and toils of our day-to-day lives, are for, right? This kind of thing certainly isn’t unheard of in the sports news world, but it really was just setting the tone for the remainder of the week.

News category: Annoying/Tiresome

Then the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! announced it was suspending Ray Rice for just two games for punching his then-fiance (now wife) in the face and knocking her unconscious and dragging her limp body out of an elevator (allegedly, even though there’s video, which can be seen below). This, of course, came on the heels of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! suspending Josh Gordon for an entire season for smoking pot. It’s just an awful look for Roger Goddell.

I’ll let Keith Olbermann expand on this issue, scorched earth style:

So yeah, that wasn’t the most fun discussion to have in the world of sports. But people were having it, and unfortunately Stephan A. Smith was one of them. Smith, a notorious blowhard that nobody likes, thought it was important to point out that women shouldn’t provoke men if they don’t want to get beaten up.

Yeah, here’s that final quote again:

But at the same time, we also have to make sure that we learn as much as we can about elements of provocation. Not that there’s real provocation, but the elements of provocation, you got to make sure that you address them, because what we’ve got to do is do what we can to try to prevent the situation from happening in any way. And I don’t think that’s broached enough, is all I’m saying.

Michelle Beadle, who is awesome and also works at ESPN, was not down with that garbage.

So I was just forced to watch this morning's First Take. A) I'll never feel clean again B) I'm now aware that I can provoke my own beating.

— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) July 25, 2014

I'm thinking about wearing a miniskirt this weekend…I'd hate to think what I'd be asking for by doing so @stephenasmith. #dontprovoke

— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) July 25, 2014

And then yesterday Smith offered a horrible taped apology.

What a fun story that was.

News category: Awful in every way.

And locally, on Wednesday Bronco fans woke up to news that Pat Bowlen was stepping down as owner and CEO of the Broncos to deal with his Alzheimer’s disease. Bowlen is probably the single most significant person in all of Colorado sports over the past three decades. I did not realize that the Broncos only had five losing seasons during Bowlen’s 30-year reign. That’s unbelievable. That’s great ownership.

He wanted to go out on his own terms. A horrible, frightening disease is preventing him from doing so. (Few things scare me more than the thought of a loved one coming down with Alzheimer’s.)

Here’s an emotional John Elway:

I also thought Woody Paige’s column on the topic is a must-read.

News category: Simply very, very sad.

And some more news is also bumming me out, though it’s a little different (see: less shitty) than the aforementioned stories.

Troy Tulowitzki Tulowizki went to a Yankees game in New York on Sunday, which is really weird because Troy Tulowizki is on the Rockies and the Rockies were not playing the Yankees. Tulowizki is on the DL and was visiting a doctor in Philadelphia and wanted to watch Derek Jeter, of whom Tulowizki is a big fan, play one more time.

The visit led to a hilarious tweet and possible jab at Tulowizki from Tulowizki’s teammate, Brett Anderson:

If Derek Jeter said jump…I apparently know someone that would jump reallllly high.

— Brett Anderson (@_BAnderson30_) July 28, 2014

Anderson insisted he was joking, of course.

It's funny when people can't take a joke or make light of a situation…

— Brett Anderson (@_BAnderson30_) July 28, 2014

Anyway, this obviously dumped a big ol’ tank of gasoline on the Tulowizki trade rumors because DID YOU KNOW DEREK JETER IS RETIRING?!

I’m not sure this is the big deal some are making it out to be, but given the circumstances, it can’t be discounted as nothing. I don’t think Tulowizki was overtly flipping a figurative bird to the front office and trying to tell the world he wants to be a Yankee. But Tulowizki is not an idiot and he’s always been a professional. He knew that sitting in the second row at Yankee stadium would set the baseball rumor mill ablaze, and I think he was cool with that.

Indeed, it’s starting to seem increasingly like Tulowizki wants to get the hell out of the Rockies organization. I don’t think there’s any way he gets traded before Thursday’s deadline, but the odds of Tulowizki leaving town in the offseason are starting to seem more and more likely.

The Rockies have done absolutely nothing this year to dispel the notion that they are a crap organization with no direction and no plan and a slim chance of building a winner. I’m guessing they’ll wait for Tulowizki to “demand a trade” so they can paint him as the bad guy. Then it will be easy for the front office to bad mouth him on his way out the door, they way they did with Ubaldo Jimenez, Dexter Fowler, and others.

It’s hard not to find myself growing frustrated after writing that paragraph. I could be jumping the gun, I suppose. Despite all of the national talk, there’s still a decent chance Tulowizki will remain with the Rockies his entire career. There may even be a decent chance that the Rockies are not all that far off from being a winning organization.

But right now, the Rockies are one of the worst teams in baseball and one of the top two players in the world seems to be growing weary of the situation as much as the rest of us.

And who can blame him?

News Category: Frustrating and just an overall bummer.

I’m ready to move on from the past week. I think we all are.

Luckily, I was able to find some stuff that didn’t suck from the last week, so let’s head…

Off to the weekly departments:

Stud of the week:

This guy is incredibly badass. Just incredibly badass.

Douche of the week:

Ray Rice/Roger Goodell/Jim Harbaugh/NFL fans/Stephen A. Smith/Drew Socier/Troy Tulowitzki/Dick Monfort/the Coors Field police

There was no shortage of douches.

Tweet of the week:

Some field hockey players were photobombed by the FREAKING QUEEN OF ENGLAND.

Ahhh The Queen photo-bombed our selfie!! 😄 👑 #royalty #sheevensmiled #amazing #Glasgow2014 @Hockeyroos @AusComGames pic.twitter.com/ZMtHYFUqHk

— Jayde Taylor (@_JaydeTaylor) July 24, 2014

Picture of the week:

Crazy, awesome picture of Montrez Harrell of Louisville breaking a backboard during a summer league game.

Louisville's Montrezl Harrell breaks a backboard during a summer league game at woodward high school. pic.twitter.com/kVjjwEIljQ

— Anthony Tribble (@tonyphotos) July 27, 2014

Vine of the week:

Sammy Watkins looks like he’s good at football.

https://twitter.com/andrewsharp/status/492017650533679105

Did I just accidentally post something from training camp? That’s kind of against policy around here. My apologies.

Some other stuff the internet had to offer from the past week:

You’ve done quite enough sports world and internet. You’ve done quite enough. (I warned you about the shortened posts this time of year.)

And finally, here’s Peyton Manning (and Wes Welker) dancing us into a less crappy week. (More training camp!)

Yes I have that song on my iPhone. Who doesn’t like the Osborne Brothers?

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

***

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

Why We Should All Hate the Patriots

Welcome to the 43rd edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where I’m trying to find someone willing to talk about the upcoming AFC Championship game. Haven’t had much luck, so I guess I’ll get the conversation started.

The Patriots receive a good amount of hate from most corners of the football world throughout the year. For Broncos fans, though, it’s time to take that hate to another level. If you can’t get on board with some good New England bashing the week of a Broncos vs. Patriots AFC Championship game, you aren’t much of a Coloradoan or Bronco fan.

It starts with their awful quarterback.

Tom Brady is one of the best quarterbacks of all time, but dear Lord, he is awful. Truly an all-time douche bag. If you can watch Tom Brady play a whole game of football and never think to yourself Man, F*** him  then something is wrong with you.

A lot is made of his antics of screaming at the referees or his teammates or even one of his own coaches. I don’t really mind this stuff. Every decent quarterback does that kind of thing, including Peyton Manning and John Elway.

Tom Brady’s awfulness comes out when he’s off the field.

I’m not sure what to say about his dancing.

via mocksession.com

Or these magazine covers. Tom Brady has, without a doubt, appeared on the cover of more non-sports magazines than any athlete ever.

How many other quarterbacks are being interviewed for stupid articles in Women’s Health Magazine? (My favorite quote:  “Guilty pleasure? A frozen margarita. Oh my God.”) Yeah, I’m going to go with zero.

Peyton Manning is in a bunch of dumb commercials. They’re usually corny and poorly produced (“Hey Papa…”). But they’re definitely not as douchey as whatever the hell this is.

`

Oh yeah… and he’s married to this person.

If that doesn’t make you hate the guy, I don’t know what to tell you.

This kid sums it up pretty well.

`

So obviously Tom Brady is reason 1 to hate the Patriots. Reason 1A is their head coach. The cutoff hoody wearing, perpetually frowning, mumbling, lying, cheating, Bill Belichick.

Lookin good, Bill. (Damian Strohmeyer/SI)

The Hoody was certainly the behind the scandal that found the Patriots guilty of cheating in 2007, creatively titled by the media as “Spygate.” Belichick admitted to taping teams’ signals in closed practices dating back to 2000. The league fined Belichick $500,000 (the maximum amount a coach can be fined) and took away their first round draft pick in 2008. Since the scandal was revealed, the Patriots have won zero Super Bowls.

I can’t believe this isn’t talked about more.

But of course, the real reason to hate The Hoody is just the way the miserable, horrible piece of crap carries himself. He’s condescending to reporters and speaking to the press is seemingly a source of tremendous pain for this weirdo, even though that’s kind of  a huge part of your job description as head coach.

Earlier this week the Wall Street Journal did some in-depth investigative journalism. They figured out how many times Belichick smiled this season in this well-done video. (Not very many.)

`

Here’s a reporter lobbing Belichick a softball during the holiday season. Naturally, Bill replies with a really fun, insightful, cheerful response.

`

Just say Jingle Bells you freaking crazy nutjob.

And let’s not forget the gangster serial killer the Patriots decided to employ.

The Patriots are the only NFL team that decided to employ a gangster murderer in Aaron Hernandez. (Ted Fitzgerald, Boston Herald)

No other team would take a chance on Aaron Hernandez because it was clear he was a horrible person. The Patriots, well they are the Patriots, so surely a drugged out murderer would reform and change his ways under the tutelage of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick and Bob Kraft. Why? Because it’s The Patriot Way. And anyone so blessed and lucky to be a part of The Patriot Way would never screw that up. Yeah, or he would play games on acid and keep murdering people.

Then there’s Josh McDaniels. He drafted some good players for the Broncos (Moreno, Ayers, Bruton, D. Thomas, Beadles, Walton, Decker, Tebow). He also drafted some bad ones (Alphonso Smith, Darcel McBath, Richard Quinn, Perrish Cox, Tebow). But let’s be honest, the guy was always a huge douche and the Broncos couldn’t fire him fast enough. He’s now back with the Patriots as offensive coordinator.

And of course, we can’t forget the insufferable Boston sports fans. According to insufferable Boston sports fans, insufferable Boston sports fans are God’s gift to each and every sport. This group gets drunk and screams in the classic nails-on-a-chalkboard accent about the Pahhhhttts or the Red Sawwwwwx being the model franchise in sports.

I guarantee you that right now somebody, somewhere in the northeast is pounding a Sam Adams and babbling to a disinterested out-of-towner about the Patriots dominant, decade-long dynasty even though they haven’t won a Super Bowl in eight seasons. EIGHT FREAKING SEASONS.

That fact that the last Super Bowl the Patriots won was in the 2004 season seems to be easily forgotten among the entitled chowdaheads and the media.

Here’s hoping that come Sunday, the Broncos extend that streak and send the Patriots, their awful quarterback, miserable coach and insufferable fans to another long offseas0n.

OTHER STUFF

Douche of the week:

I don’t think Philip Rivers is that big of a douche. I actually find his childish antics to be pretty funny (more so when the Chargers lose). Anyway, I know most of you freaking hate the guy, so here are a few GIFs of Philip Rivers acting like an upset child. These are always thoroughly enjoyable.

via @cjzero

Here’s Robert Ayers mocking our favorite little upset fella.

via @sbnationgif

And here’s the little tyke reacting to that big, game-sealing third down.

via @cjzero

That’s just really great stuff from your Douche Of The Week.

Stud of the week:

LaGarrette Blount. The Pats’ back ran for four touchdowns in the Patriots’ 43-22 win over the Colts. The Patriots ran the ball 46 times. Brady only threw 25 passes, completing just 13. Some of this is because the Pats had the lead and the ball in the fourth quarter, but the Patriots offense is now predominately centered around running the ball, much like the Chargers. Much is made about Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, but the Broncos’ rushing defense, which has been pretty good all year, is the key to this game. If Blount goes for 166 and four against the Broncos, it will be a long championship Sunday.

Tweet of the week:

In 990 snaps with Chris Harris on the field, DEN allowed a 43.6 QBR. In 81 snaps with Harris on the sideline, DEN allowed a 93.0 QBR

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) January 13, 2014

I bring this up because I think the Chris Harris injury is really bad news for the Broncos. The Chargers scored all of their points after Harris was hurt. You don’t need the advanced stats of that tweet to know that Quenten Jammer looked horrible trying to hang with Keenan Allen, who caught two touchdowns. I think it’s up to Champ Bailey to move from the nickel and start in Harris’s place. Maybe this will happen.

What to watch the next seven days:

• Denver Broncos vs. New England Patriots, Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium, Sunday January 19th, 1 p.m. MST. The Super Bowl on the line. That is all.

Here’s a video of all the times Peyton Manning said “Omaha” on Sunday.

And finally, here’s some interesting stuff regarding Brady that I haven’t heard mentioned once this week. Brady hasn’t played a road playoff game since the 2006 season. His career road playoff record is 3-2. His record in such games since the 2004 season is 1-2. One of the two losses was in Denver; the other in Indianapolis against Peyton Manning. Indeed, since winning the Super Bowl in the 2004 season, Tom Brady has one win on the road in the playoffs. The Patriot-loving national media hasn’t said much about this.

Mitch Hahn’s official prediction (sometimes I’m not wrong!): Broncos 39, Patriots 30.

***

Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @MitchDHahn.

Thoughts on the Broncos’ Loss to the Patriots and What I’m Thankful For

Welcome to the 36th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch, where if you’re lucky you have the next five days off work. If not, hopefully you have the next four. If not, hopefully you have Thursday off. I’m feeling festive.  Big post, so get to readin.

Before I proceed to the customary sportswriter Thanksgiving column, I have some thoughts on that football game that was played on Sunday night.

Tom Brady beat the Broncos again. AP photo

That was really something, huh?

In the lead-up to the game, I made a few jokes about how much hype and promotion there was surrounding this game. (“I know NBC and the NFL are struggling trying to promote this one, but the Broncos play the Patriots on Sunday Night.”) All that hype was met and exceeded. During that gut-wrenching final quarter and overtime, I couldn’t help but think how rare it is for a regular season game that is pumped up that much to actually meet the vast expectations cast upon it.

This one sure did.

The huge fan bases of the Broncos and Patriots were obviously going to be locked in, but as the Patriots began that epic comeback you could feel the whole nation turning their attention to this one.

And after all the clutch defensive plays, the ballsy quarterback play, the wind, the coaching decisions, the intense crowd and so many intriguing story lines, the deciding play was a punt bouncing into some reserve defensive back’s leg. For that particular game to end like that was a damn shame.

Either way it was fascinating theater and a whole lot of fun for football fans.

You know what happened. 24-0. Then 34-31.

So what does the meltdown/comeback say about the Broncos? I think it says a few things. They are pretty darn good and so are the Patriots. It’s really not very easy to beat the Broncos, but they are beatable.

I feel pretty comfortable saying the Denver Broncos are still the best team in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! They have plenty of flaws and I no longer feel like they are head and shoulders above the rest of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! But I still think they’re better than every other team out there. Including the Patriots.

If those two teams played each other on a neutral field, some games in good weather, some in “The Elements” I think the Broncos would win six or seven or even eight times out of ten.

One sentiment floating around is the “If it wasn’t for those Patriots fumbles the Broncos would have gotten killed” argument. Yes, the Patriots gifted the Broncos with three fumbles on their first three drives, but then the Broncos turned the ball over four times. Fumbles always have a flukey feel to them. That goes both ways.

There’s one group out there that knows more about what is going to happen on football fields than me or you or anyone on ESPN or even the people in the locker rooms. One group will refuse to overreact the way your talk radio hosts and many Broncos fans will.

Vegas. Vegas knows more than everybody.

According to Bovada, the Broncos (7-2 odds) have fallen slightly behind the Seahawks (3-1 odds) as the Super Bowl favorites. The Broncos are still favored to win the AFC at 5-4 odds, which math tells me is almost 1-1. The next closest team is the Patriots, who are 5-2. That means Vegas still thinks the Broncos are twice as likely to go to the Super Bowl as the chowdaheads from the northeast.

Now, of course, the Broncos were favored to go to and win the Super Bowl last year and we all know how that ended up.

Still, the Broncos are just fine. Choking away a 24-0 lead is a bad look for the offense, defense and special teams. They collapsed. It was unbecoming.

Every team in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE has flaws. Lots of flaws.

Peyton Manning was cold. AP Photo / Elise Amandola

Peyton Manning and those three receivers are allowed to have a bad week. Maybe it’s because Manning sucks in cold weather. Or maybe it’s because sometimes good offenses simply have a bad week. And if you’re scoring 31 points during a bad week, you’re probably pretty good. I don’t care if 17 of those points came off of turnovers.

Von Miller looks like he’s starting to round into form as the best defensive player in the game again. Knowshon Moreno is reliable. I still insist Champ Bailey will have a positive impact upon his return. So will Julius Thomas. The sky is not falling. Good teams lose games on the road to other good teams.

Playing these types of games will benefit the Broncos come January. Losses like this will benefit the Broncos come January. They should finish the year 14-2. That will get them the 1-seed in the AFC.

And they’ll be Super Bowl favorites again.

Like I’ve said all year long, the Broncos’ real season starts in the playoffs. They have 20 preseason games. Epic contests like last night make for some great debate on television and radio. They make for memorable evenings.

It’s an unpopular belief because people love to analyze football, but for this Broncos team, Sunday night’s loss really didn’t matter much.

And since it’s Thanksgiving week, I find it a good time to reflect on some sports things and some non sports things that I am thankful for:

The Broncos. Teams that are favored for pretty much every game have been few and far between ’round these parts the past few years. I’m truly thankful that John Elway and company have put together the model franchise in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! yet again. Ideally, I’d be more thankful if they don’t rip my heart out in January. But still.

Being in attendance for this moment:

(You know I have to squeeze some Helton in here whenever I can).

Jack Graham. He’s not screwing around. If I set my objectivity aside and embrace my Colorado State fanhood, I am very happy an AD is in place who has his mind set on success and vast improvement in all facets of the athletic department.

Mom’s yams midway through preparation. You can see the pecans in the background and oh dear Lord. (Yes I like them so  much that I have a picture of them stored on my computer).

My mother’s sweet potatoes. About seven or so years ago my mom tried a new recipe for sweet potatoes that changed my life forever. She puts pecans and brown sugar and probably some other stuff on them and oh dear Lord. I only get them twice a year and oh dear Lord.

High Definition televisions. The technology has changed the sports world more than anything the past 10 years. For the better. For the much, much, much better.

The “mute” button. I don’t understand why or how you all listen to commercials. I’m a professional muter. I would put my muting skills up against anyone in the world. If you can’t improve upon silence, shut up.

GIFs. They’re great. Just look at these:

via deadspin.com

via @guyism

The Iron Shieke‘s fascinatingly bizarre Twitter account. Especially when he praises Fridays and bashes Mondays. Seriously, those make me happy.

Coors Field. It can be almost ruined by the drunk 21-year-olds trying to start the wave and the Rockies’ perennial ineptitude, but let’s be honest, Coors Field is a great, great place to spend an afternoon or evening.

Coors Field is pretty great.

Chipotle Fridays. I’ve gone to Chipotle every Friday for about seven and a half years. It’s the only way to start the weekend. I wish it was Chipotle Friday right now. (I also enjoy hot wings, cereal, sunflower seeds, the Cambridge Skillet at the Egg & I, New York Strips, honeycrisp apples and stringcheeses.)

The drive-through liquor store that is a block away from my house. I can go buy 30 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon for about 20 dollars without putting on a shirt or shoes.

Christopher Columbus. We all know that Christopher Columbus was the pilgrim that taught the Indians how to eat turkey and grow corn. If it wasn’t for him and those kind Indians he befriended none of us would get to stuff our faces and drink enough to tolerate our weird relatives all Thursday long. That’s how it happened right?

All of my loyal readers. I wouldn’t be making millions off of this blog if it wasn’t for the hundreds of thousands of devoted followers that read and share my posts every Tuesday afternoon.

Moving on…

Stud of the week: Tom Hilbert. I’m going a little off the board this week. The Colorado State volleyball coach saw his team win two road matches last week and is now ranked 9th in the nation. They clinched their fifth consecutive Mountain West title and have established a legitimate dynasty. I know not many people care about women’s volleyball, but CSU’s volleyball program is probably the best college sports program in the state. And the main reason for all that success is their stud coach. Tom Hilbert: Stud.

Douche of the week: Alex Rodriguez. Again. I’ve already outlined his douchey history. He added to that this week when he “stormed” out of the MLB hearing regarding his suspension because he was so “upset.” He immediately released a statement and made a “surprise” radio interview. In typical A-Roid fashion, the whole thing was a complete joke. Completely scripted and poorly executed. Who are the people coming up with these bizarre ideas? Anyway, I’m very glad all this happened because it produced this incredible YouTube video.

(Background here: Mike Francesa has a huge, New York based radio show and the volatile host kind of fell asleep during an interview a couple years back. Put that together with Rodriguez’s odd performance and you have video gold.)

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I was literally in tears. Alex Rodriguez: (Still a) Douche.

Tweet of the week:

This of course, came when things were going well for the Broncos against the Patriots and referenced this classic “We Are Killing the Patriots” moment. I don’t care if things went a little poorly in the second half. That’s a great tweet.

What to watch the next seven days:

• Colorado State will beat Air Force for the first time since 2005 (How crazy is that?) at noon on Saturday. With the win, the Rams will earn their first trip to a bowl game since 2008 and make my season-preview prediction off by only one game. The Rams opened as 14.5 point favorites. Yeah, Air Force is really bad this year.
• Broncos vs. Chiefs. Third must-watch in a row. Broncos open as 3.5 point favorites. They’ll cover.
• The Maui Invitational is usually pretty sweet. It’s taking place all week long (mostly on the ESPN family of networks) and the teams are a combined 30-0 going into the tourney. Also read this great article on the history of the event here.
• Auburn is ranked fourth in the nation. They host #1 Alabama at 1:30 on Saturday in one of the nation’s most intense rivalries. Should be awesome.
• New Orleans plays Seattle on Monday night. Should be awesome.

OTHER STUFF

The Boston Celtics have a lot of new players and aren’t nearly as good as they’ve been in the past few years. Maybe that’s why I thought this GIF of Rajon Rondo reading the night’s statsheet was so damn funny.

via thenosebleeds.com

Who the hell are these guys?!

Kickers aren’t real people.

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Ron Burgundy had a great appearance on Conan. This was the most funny part.

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This article about the athletic and academic culture at Florida State in the wake of the Jameis Winston sexual assault allegations is generating a lot of conversation online. It’s well done and you’ll feel sorry for both the instructors and the privileged athletes. I think it’s worth your time.

If you have the opportunity, I really recommend watching the HBO Real Sports piece on Nuggets coach Brian Shaw. Set the DVR if you can. It’s a heartbreaking story that is really well done. You can watch a couple minutes of the segment here.

And finally, I’m 99 percent sure this is a set-up, but it’s still pretty darn cute.

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Happy Tuesday everybody. Have a great Thanksgiving weekend; it’s a truly underrated holiday. Give thanks. And thank you for reading. See ya next week.

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @MitchDHahn.

Hey Wait You Guys, Are the Chiefs Actually, Like, Good?

Welcome to the 34th edition of Tuesdays With Mitch. Lots to get to in this one. Get after it.

All season long, I’ve maintained that the Kansas City Chiefs are a fraudulent first place team. They’ve played a weak schedule, I’ve said. They’ve gotten lucky, I’ve said. They’ve played a lot of backup quarterbacks, I’ve said. They might be a pretty good team, but they’re not on the level of a team like the Broncos, I’ve said.

Then I took a closer look at what the Chiefs have done. And I’ve decided I’ve been absolutely right about all of this.

screenshot via espn.com

So they beat the Jaguars. Then three NFC East teams. Not particularly impressive, but hey, 4-0 is a very nice start for anybody.

Then check out this gauntlet of elite quarterbacks the vaunted Chiefs defense has somehow been able to shutdown.

Fitzpatrick. Pryor. Keenum. Campbell. Tuel. (That’s Ryan Fitzpatrick. Terrell Pryor. Case Keenum. Jason Campbell. And Jeff Tuel.)

That horrifying, all-time great Kansas City defense played four backup quarterbacks and Terrell Pryor in five consecutive weeks. Fitzpatrick was making his first start of the season. So was Keenum. So was Campbell. Tuel was making his second start, but his first in a month.

Keenum was actually making the first start of his career. Tuel was making his second start ever.

Kansas City might have a good defense; I don’t really know. It kind of looks like they have a very average defense that has played a bunch of crap offenses trying out new quarterbacks.

Offensively the Chiefs are definitely average. Alex Smith has thrown nine touchdowns and four interceptions in nine weeks. (On a somewhat related note, Peyton Manning threw seven touchdowns in the first week alone.) Jamaal Charles is a nice player. There’s no way he’s a workhorse that powers the best team in football. He’s run for over 100 yards once on the year. He averages about 80 per game.

The Broncos are favored in this game by about eight points, which is a big number for a game in which both teams have such good records.

I think it’s going to be a party. The Chiefs are overmatched on both sides of the ball. The Broncos blow them out and make a statement.

Look for Peyton to kick up those much-talked-about ankles in the fourth quarter with a visor accenting that magnificent forehead.

Tulowitzki to the Cardinals? That would be an unbelievably difficult trade for Rockies fans to handle. I don’t think it gets done. But then again, I didn’t think the Ubaldo Jimenez trade would get done either. If they do trade Tulo, I sure hope they get some really bright impact prospects. Guys like Drew Pomeranz and Alex White (who they could trade for a guy like Wilton Lopez) and that other guy.

Richie Incognito is a really bad guy. Just a bad person. The locker room culture in the NFL is completely misguided and needs to change. Jonathon Martin could have handled the situation better, but he really didn’t do anything wrong. Boom. See how easy that was? Now we can all move on.

What to watch the next seven days:

• College basketball on ESPN arrives in a big way tonight. #1 Kentucky plays #2 Michigan State. And #4 Duke plays #5 Kansas. Can’t ask for much more than that.
• There’s an NFL game on Sunday night.
• Washington – UCLA could be a rare Friday night college football game that’s worth watching.
• San Diego State basketball hosts Arizona Thursday night on CBS Sports if you’re into intriguing inter-conference matchups out west.
• And at this point you should probably be watching the Avalanche whenever you get the chance. They’re 14-2.

Stud of the week:

Kapri Bibbs. 312 rushing yards. 4 touchdowns. National Player of the Week Award. Not a bad day. The Rams have themselves a star. Kapri Bibbs: Stud.

Douche of the week:

Radio host Damon Bruce has been suspended after his strange rant about women in sports. (Hint: He doesn’t seem to like them very much.) It’s unbelievable to me that people are dumb enough to ruin their careers by going off about stupid things. You are a professional talker. You should know you can’t say certain things. Damon Bruce: Douche.

Your heartwarming but also really really sad sports story of the week here.

I missed this last week. Jesse Carr, who came to the Colorado State basketball program in 2008, was set to rejoin the Rams and play through 2014. That career would have spanned six seasons. Carr reinjured his ACL and is justifiably calling it a career. It’s a crushing story for a good kid and a good player who never got his senior season.

In other news, Colorado State is in a rebuilding year. They were blown out by Gonzaga in Spokane last night.

A couple normal college kids for ya:

via @corkgaines

It’s very important to watch the friends on each side of that dude. Just about killed me. Then there’s this guy in his own little T-Rex world.

via @eyeonCFB

These are always a pleasure to watch:

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I found this video to be super hilarious. It’s very Not-Safe-For-Work, so I’m just going to link to it instead of embedding it on this page. I recommend it if you’re not bothered by foul language.

This one’s been out for a while, but yesterday was Veteran’s Day, so it seems relevant.

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It’s all about the boots in that one.

And finally, this is… something.

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If you somehow made it all the way through that, I hope you enjoyed that final little move as much as I did.

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Happy Tuesday everybody. Thanks for reading. See ya next week.

Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos or other media I should know about. Subscribe at the top right of this page. Follow me on Twitter @MitchDHahn.